


Senpai Will Be Mine. He Doesn't Have a Choice.

by pastelkanan



Series: Yandere Simulator AU [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Yandere Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background/Rival relationships untagged for reasons, Characters will be tagged as they make their appearances, F/M, I don't want this to get in tags where it's not what ppl want, I'm not tagging the background relationships/rival relationships!, M/M, Multi, Yandere Jean, Yandere Simulator AU, dead animals and suicide (chapter three), drug-induced unconsciousness (chapter two), some tags used as trigger warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-05-22 12:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6079842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelkanan/pseuds/pastelkanan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean was prepared to have a perfectly regular last year of high school. Another year of sitting in a dark bedroom and doing homework and studying until two in the morning because, hell, what else was there to do? What else was there to occupy his time? He didn't have anything that particularly meant anything to him. Never had. Doubted he ever would.<br/>Eren's parents had won the battle. He transferred to this school despite the fact that he had wanted to go to an art school across town for his last year. All he had wanted was a nice senior year where he could slack off and do some drawing. That plan was shot down pretty quick and so there he was, going to a school he didn't want to be at in the first place.<br/>And then Eren's friends start dropping like flies.</p><p>*</p><p>Or, Yandere Simulator au in which Jean is Yandere-chan and Eren is Senpai and a lot of shit goes down.<br/>(Much love and thanks to Han! This wouldn't be a thing without you <3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gray

**Author's Note:**

> Should I be writing this when I have another fic that I haven't worked on in forever and need to update? No.  
> Am I gonna do it anyways? Probably.  
> I don't even remember what started this. All I know is that Han and I thought that erejean Yandere Sim au would be fun and, since I'm the creative writer of the group, guess who's working on it? That's right. It's me. Don't get me wrong, though. It's actually pretty fun! I'm just amazed that I have the audacity to take on another project when I already have a million other things I should be doing. No matter, though. This is just meant to be fun and I'm not going to take it THAT seriously. Enjoy!~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean didn't need emotions. Why would he? He was perfectly content to live without them.  
> And then emotions hit him like a freight train and his whole life changed.

It was always the same. Day after day after day there was nothing. No hopes, no dreams, no true  _ feelings.  _ It wasn't right and Jean knew that. He knew that there was something wrong with him. The things that the world was disgusted by and shunned meant nothing to him; the things they loved and embraced were just more bumps in the road. He didn't know disgust. He didn't know love. 

He didn't need them. He had gotten by just fine without them, even if he was… broken. He was a scratched record, living the same day over and over again. That was how life was. He was content to live that way. 

And then, all at once, his life changed. The first day of a new school year was never anything special. He pretended to be happy to be back with everyone and smiled at his new teachers if only to seem like a regular person. That year was different. That year was new and exciting because that day he saw  _ him _ for the first time.

Emotion blossomed in his chest. Suddenly the world wasn't so gray anymore. There was color and light and  _ feelings  _ he had thought he would never know. Love, he thought. 

It was love. There was no other explanation.

_ He  _ was a boy named Eren and he was  _ perfect _ and Jean  _ adored _ him and he knew from the very first moment that he would do whatever he had to do for him. Eren was  _ his.  _ He wasn't going to let anyone else have him.

Weeks passed and then a couple of months and Jean’s emotions ran stronger every day. He fell further and further and further for Eren every time he saw him. Envy took root in his heart when he saw people  _ talk _ to him and be  _ friends _ with him like they could ever appreciate him the way Jean did. Rage blinded him when someone hurt Eren, accidentally or not. Eren was  _ his  _ and nobody,  _ nobody _ , was allowed to hurt him. 

Jean wasn't going to let them touch his Eren.

He walked towards the school that day with a small plot forming in his head, a tiny group of ideas of how to destroy whoever got in his way. Then his cellphone started to ring. He paused. Nobody ever called him. He answered with a, “Hello?”

“Hello, Jean,” a gruff voice replied.

“Who is this?”

“My identity isn't important. What is important is that I know your secret.”

“What are you talking about?”

The strange voice laughed. “Oh, Jean. I know everything that happens in this school. You've been so apathetic for so long. You've been a shell of a human. Then Eren came to school, didn't he?”

Jean tensed. People walked around him without a second glance. “What about Eren?”

“You're  _ obsessed _ with him. I know. I can tell. You want him all to yourself, don't you?”

His fingers twitched. “Would it matter if I did?”

“It would,” the stranger calmly stated. “Because I know everything. And I know that someone is planning to confess to Eren on Friday, out under that old tree. You know the one. The one that they say has the ability to affect emotions, the one that promises whoever you confess to will accept you?”

Jean let out a shaky breath. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I think we can reach an agreement. If you do some things for me, I'll pull strings for you and you'll have a better chance with your precious Eren.”

“What would you make me do?”

“Oh, nothing too horrible. I want pictures.  _ Compromising  _ pictures, if you understand what I mean. I need blackmail material. Provide me with that and I'll provide you with the details of those who would take Eren for themselves.” The stranger let out a low chuckle. “Do we have a deal?”

“I should at least have something to call you by before I agree to any deals.”

“Fair.” The voice paused. Then, “Just call me your  _ Informant _ , alright? Easy enough.”

Blood was pounding in Jean’s ears and his hands were trembling and every fiber of his being was aching to get its hands on a knife to  _ exterminate _ people with. He needed to know who it was. He  _ needed _ to keep Eren safe, away from people who would inevitably hurt him. He needed to keep Eren safe with him. And so Jean replied, “Deal.”

“Good,” the Informant replied. “Now, here's what I know about your  _ competition.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo~ I wonder who Info-chan is? Or, in this case, I suppose it's more like Info-kun... (Hah. It's funny because I know who it is and Han knows who it is but nobody else knows who it is. And it's great. It's amazing. We chose a good person.)  
> Anyways, I know this is. Short. This is what happens when you do your fanfic writing on your phone because, for some reason, writing it on a computer feels odd. Whatever, though. I'm working on it. Future chapters will be longer!


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight is on. The first rival appears.  
> And she has to be dealt with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've thought about warning everyone who's the rival in each chapter, but I think it'll probably be fine. I mean, come on. This is Yandere Sim AU. Of course someone's favorite character dies. It makes sense, y'know? Anyways, don't expect anything too quality here. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not used to writing murder. I probably should have thought of that before I started writing a Yandere Sim AU. Too late now, though. Well. We all make mistakes.  
> Also, I did promise that later chapters would be longer. At least I followed through on that this time.

Jean kept chewing on his bottom lip. It was only the first class period and he was ready to jump out of his chair and  _ destroy _ whoever he needed to. Adrenaline raced through his veins as he thought about all the ways he could get rid of them. He  _ needed _ to get up and move and hurt and protect. He was ready. He knew what he had to do to keep Eren safe. And he'd do it. 

His heart was pounding in his chest. Even though chemistry was the first class of the day and it was all general information he knew, it was his favorite class. The seating chart in chemistry has blessed him. Most of the kids in their class had general last names, names that started with H and W and M and other letters that meant nothing besides giving him what he always wanted. Because with all of those names, all those outliers, Jeäger and Kirstein were put together. Because Eren Jeäger was at the desk next to him and they were so close that Jean could reach out and touch him but he  _ couldn't  _ because that would be weird and he didn't want Eren to think he was strange. He couldn't help but glance over to see his face. God, he was  _ perfect. _

Jean sucked in a breath and looked back to his notes. Their teacher kept droning on and on and  _ on _ about the same concepts and details. He started to doodle in the margins of the page. It started as just a couple of curved lines, and then he kept drawing and it became a set of eyes that he would know anywhere. A set of eyes he would kill for. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Eren leaned over. “Hey, you got an extra pencil? Forgot mine and you know how this lady is about worksheets done in pen.” His voice was a low whisper, each word carefully spoken to keep from alerting the teacher to his talking. 

Jean nodded. He always kept extra things in his backpack, always to seem like a responsible and prepared person that the others could trust. He didn't even know what to say to Eren. All he could do was nod and reach into his partially-open bag and feel around for another pencil. He dug out the nicest spare he had--a pretty blue pencil that had only been sharpened once and never used--and offered it to Eren. Eren deserved the best and Jean wanted to give him everything he had but he hadn't thought Eren would  _ ask _ for anything from him and didn't have what Eren deserved. 

Eren smiled when he took the pencil. His fingers brushed over Jean’s skin and Jean’s breath caught in his throat and he muttered, “You can keep it if you want.” And Eren  _ thanked _ him and kept  _ smiling _ and Jean thought his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest. Yeah, he thought, he was going to eliminate anyone and everyone who could hurt him. 

And so the day went by, Jean knowing that Eren was holding on to something he had given to him and  _ finally _ it had happened, Eren had  _ finally _ asked him for help. He didn't ask anyone else. He asked  _ Jean _ and it was so so so  _ satisfying.  _ He could have chosen anyone. But he chose Jean. 

It would have been more enjoyable if Jean wasn't worried about people getting in his way. It was  _ her.  _ She wanted to take him away. She would  _ hurt _ him. He knew that she would. Mikasa Ackerman, childhood friend of Eren. Her parents had died in a car accident a year ago and now she lived in the Jeäger household. Despite the fact that they should have been  _ family,  _ apparently her head had gotten fucked up when she lost her parents. And suddenly Eren wasn't her brother anymore. He was something different. 

Jean wasn't going to allow it. He knew what he had to do. The Informant didn't mess around; he told Jean everything and all Jean had to do was get a few pictures for him. Risking that sort of thing was worth it if it meant protecting Eren. 

The Informant knew that Mikasa wasn't one to just  _ give up.  _ Jean had to stop her. He couldn't just scare her off. He had to eliminate her and he had to do it soon. Suddenly he was awfully glad he had watched all of those crime tv shows that everyone was so interested in. Piece by piece, one moment after the next, it became more and more clear how he had to deal with her. 

He couldn't take her in a fight, that much he knew. She was stronger than he was, guns were too traceable, and he had to be smarter than her. He had to make her trust him. He had to use flattery and wit to get his way. He knew just what to do. 

Preparations had to be made first. He had to make sure the basement in his house was secure, had to make sure the hidden places in the house were still functional, had to mix up a tranquilizer, had to figure out for sure how to administer it without accidentally getting someone else caught in the crosshairs. Had to figure out how to get her back to his house. Had to plan where to dump the body when he was done. 

He had never killed anything before. That was part of his persona, after all. He was happy and responsible and trustworthy and compassionate and wouldn't hurt a fly. In reality, though, the only reason he never killed flies was that he was afraid that once he started he wouldn't be able to stop. That he would enjoy killing more than he needed to and he wouldn't even just be an emotionless husk anymore. He'd be an emotionless husk that was fueled by insanity. But he knew deep down that this was the right thing to do. There were no other options. The girl had to die and she had to completely disappear and nobody could ever find her. Jean had to kill her. He didn't have a choice anymore. For the first time in his life, Jean Kirstein was going to kill. 

For Eren. He would do anything for Eren.

Two and then three days passed in a blur. The Informant had called him on Monday and that was the day Eren had asked for a pencil to use. It was Thursday now and everything was in place and he just had to do one more thing before he was done. Before he was ready. 

Eren always stayed after school for his art club. Mikasa hadn't joined any clubs because there was nothing relevant to her interests and nothing she liked enough to try to start a club for. She always went home right after school to do some homework and a small bit of research showed that she went to a fitness place after that for professionally taught martial arts classes. She was not a girl that could be easily taken down. The only person Jean could think of off the top of his head was Annie, but damned if he was going to  _ trust _ her with what needed to be done. He had to do it all by himself.

All he had left to do was administer the drugs. They wouldn't start working for a few minutes, giving her plenty of time to get off of school grounds and for other people to see her before she just  _ disappeared.  _ They couldn't know that he was the last person to see her. 

He had it all mapped out. He knew the route she took home every day. If he had timed it properly and she didn't make any unexpected stops, she would walk through the busiest part of town where other students would be able to say that they saw her going by, and then she would turn down a rather empty street about the time the drugs started to act and her eyes started to droop. And then Jean could pull her off into the shadows, stuff her unconscious body into a box made for the the purpose of hauling around the music club’s instruments, and then drag it back to his house via a path he knew no other students were going to use. The only people who would know him on that path we're strangers, people who wouldn't know that he wasn't actually from the school band. People he could deceive. 

It was simple, he thought. He would offer her a gift. She would accept, if only out of pity. He knew that. 

He took a deep breath and walked over to her. “Mikasa,” he said. She turned to look at him. “I remembered that y-you really like t-this juice, right? I got you the last one out of the vending machine.” He added the stutters for good measure. He'd seem like much more of an ordinary awkward schoolboy like that. “Opened it and everything for you. I-I mean, I know you could open it yourself, but--”

She took it from him if only to get him to stop talking. “Thank you.” Whether she meant it or not was a bit up in the air; nobody could ever read her aside from Eren and some other friend of theirs, Armin. Jean never saw much of Armin. From what he understood, Armin was some small blonde kid with a He Man-esque haircut who managed to do well in basically every subject aside from gym. Apparently the kid was more brains than brawn. Well, Jean could use that to his advantage one day if he had to. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

There was a strange calmness in his body. He shuffled awkwardly away, not bothering to see if she actually drank any. He didn’t need to keep tabs on that. He did, however, have something else to do while she started her walk home. There were plenty of shortcuts he could take to make sure he was in the right place at the right time to see if his plan for her had worked or if he would have to make up a new one. For the time being, he had to head out behind the school. There was a group of kids who always hung out back there after classes were over for the day.

Kids who did rather  _ unsavory _ things. The stories were all different. One person said that they stood around and smoked cigarettes, another said they had seen them with drugs, another said that they liked to wait around for unsuspecting bystanders to drag into all sorts of messes. No matter what they actually did most of the time, all of them were dangerously close to getting expelled. It wouldn’t be easy to quickly find another school to enroll in so they could finish the year, especially considering that winter break had only been over for a week. One more offense from any of them and they were out. And the Informant, whoever he was, didn’t want to get his hands dirty. Didn’t want to get mixed in with that crowd to see what was going on. Jean  _ volunteered _ for it. It was something to make up for the debt that he owed, the debt that he had accumulated the moment he was told that there were others in the school who would want to claim Eren as their own. People that he had to dispose of.

Photos were a currency for him now. He sent pictures and he received information, news about letters and notes and whispers and  _ everything _ he needed to know in order to keep his Eren safe. His own reputation may be damaged in the process and he knew that but he’d be  _ damned _ if he was going to let anyone get close enough to hurt his beloved. He’d do whatever he had to do. No matter what.

Their school had a rather decent sized plot of land with a number of mature trees. It was these trees he relied on that day, doing his best to look nonchalant as he walked towards the back of the school. Nobody confronted him if they thought he seemed suspicious. Of course they didn’t, because he most certainly was not suspicious. Just because he didn’t particularly have any friends didn’t mean that he wasn’t decently respected. They trusted him. A bad choice, to be sure, but good for his causes. As long as he stayed in everyone’s good graces, he was going to be just fine. And he was going to keep Eren safe. 

He heard their voices before he saw them, but he knew who was back there. Everyone did. They were in the same grade and Jean shared a couple of classes with one or two of them. For the most part, though, he had never really interacted with them unless they asked if he had something they could use during class. He never had a reason to. The “leader” of the group was a guy named Bertolt. Everyone called him Bert, naturally. Then there was his apparent best friend, Reiner, though there were more than a few rumors floating around that they were a bit more than  _ just friends _ . Jean didn’t believe it for a second. Those two chased around more people than he cared to count and yet never made any indication that they were interested in each other.

Then there were the girls, Ymir and Christa. Ymir was a regular. Christa only seemed to go on days that she didn’t have club activities after school. Poor Christa didn’t deserve to be lumped in with a group like that but she went where Ymir went and Ymir went were Christa went. They were practically joined at the hip. Christa was arguably one of the sweetest girls in school, although judging by regular gym rankings, she was also capable of kicking someone’s ass. Which was strange since she was so…  _ small. _ If either of those girls were supposed to be on the ranking it should have been Ymir. The rumors Jean didn’t doubt were the ones that said Ymir downplayed her own physical abilities to let Christa get better grades. She was a pretty decent person to Christa, but lord knew she was a bitch to everyone else.

He just needed good solid proof that they were up to some shady business back there and not just having friendly chat sessions. In order to do that, he had to get close and avoid being noticed. That was where trees got  _ awfully _ convenient. He didn’t necessarily  _ like _ climbing, but he was good at it. He was really good at it. Thank the stars for mature trees with sturdy branches.

They never knew he was there. They had no idea that someone was nearby, that someone was documenting every shitty thing they did. They didn’t know that Jean got solid proof that underaged kids were smoking on school property and they didn’t know that someone was going to make  _ very _ good use of that information one day. Jean was a decent person, though, and he sent a comment along with those pictures. A comment kindly asking to not try to use it against Christa because that girl couldn’t hurt a fly. Nobody tried to offer her anything. She didn’t try to take anything. She was an angel who got roped into the lives of some demons.

Jean was almost disappointed. He knew that was what the Informant wanted, dirt on those kids behind the school, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was a bit boring. All that work and build-up just to find that they were smoking? Who cared? A lot of kids smoked. It was nothing new or exciting or anything, really. He had been hoping for something a bit more interesting. Something that would  _ mean something _ somehow. But there was nothing. A small sense of being let down, perhaps. Being let down never bothered him because he never really got his hopes up. He didn’t have room in his head for something as trivial as hope.

Except for in rare circumstances like the one he found himself in as he cut through all the shortcuts he knew and ignored the vibration of his phone buried somewhere in his backpack. He couldn’t dwell on whatever disappointment he felt. All he could do was lose himself in adrenaline and the sound of his feet hitting the concrete as he ran. As it turned out, there were instincts in his body that he hadn’t known he was in possession of. He gave himself over to those. He knew about his protective instinct--he had known from the moment he found out that someone was a threat to his and Eren’s relationship--but he didn’t know about this.

His  _ instincts _ led him directly to where he needed to be, even if it wasn’t quite what he had originally planned. There she was, a few blocks away from where he had anticipated her to be, stumbling over her feet and rubbing her eyes. He could hear her muttering to herself, saying something about how bullshit it was that she was so tired all of a sudden. Then she tripped and fell, barely managing to keep her head from hitting the hard sidewalk. She groaned. Didn’t make a move to get up. And then her body relaxed as the drugs did their magic and she was out cold.

Jean usually got good ranks in gym. Mikasa’s were the best, of course, but Jean was up there. Next to Eren. Everyone else above him could choke to death for as much as he cared, but he was glad to be second to Eren. Eren was too  _ good _ to be ranked below someone like Jean. People were a good deal easier to carry when they were unconscious. They had tried that one day, seeing who was strong enough to carry other people around. It had been a free day as long as everyone did  _ something _ and a strength contest seemed to be a good way to show off. Mikasa could lift anyone. Jean’s range was a bit narrower to be sure, and had Mikasa been  _ awake _ she easily could have gotten him to drop her.

Good thing she was knocked out. Even if she was arguably the toughest person at school, she was the same as everyone. When a body was relaxed it was just… easier to pick up. Easier to carry down a couple of empty streets to recover the music club’s instrument box that he had stashed away for this purpose. Actually getting her into the box was another story. Picking someone up when they were asleep was the easy part. Arranging their body to fit snuggly in a box when they couldn’t do anything to help was a bit more difficult.

Hauling the combined weight of an unconscious girl and a heavy instrument box was easily the worst thing he had to deal with that day. It would be a miracle if he got to his house and took her out of the box to find that she didn’t have bruises from when the case slipped out of his hands. Multiple times. And fell over once or twice before he could grab the handle again. Whoops.

He got her home, though, and that was all that mattered. He got her home and downstairs and out of the box and secured in a rather timely fashion. Even if she was the strongest person in school, there was no way that she’d be able to get out of those bonds, especially not still under the influence of what he had dosed her with. He didn’t know anyone who could.

He waited. After she was secured and everything was in place, he waited. It wasn’t going to be any fun if she wasn’t  _ awake _ . There were consequences. There were prices that had to be paid. He couldn’t just  _ let it go _ that she had been planning to take Eren away from him. She had to go. And he had to know why. And she had to be awake for every second of it. She had to face reality; she had to watch her blood spill in penance. She had done the wrong thing, crossed the wrong lines. And Jean was going to have his  _ fucking _ revenge.

Because nobody else could have Eren.  _ Nobody. _

It might have been minutes or it might have been hours. Jean didn’t particularly care. Eventually her breathing changed and her eyes opened and she looked around and the dear--the poor, poor dear--tried to struggle her way out of the bonds that held her firmly against the wall. Then she saw him, standing across the room, staring at her. Not moving, not speaking, just… staring. 

“What the fuck?” was the first thing out of her mouth.

Jean shook his head. “Language, please. We don’t cuss in this house.”

“I don’t care about your house rules, Jean. What the  _ fuck _ is this? Is this some kind of prank?” she demanded. “Is Eren in on this? I’ll fucking kill him. This is  _ absurd. _ ”

He sighed. She wasn’t going to cooperate with the cursing, apparently. Oh, well. “I’ll keep it short,” Jean replied. “You have to go.” He said nothing else.

A brief moment of silence passed and realization dawned on her face. Realization and disbelief. “You’re not serious.”

From the pocket of his jeans he retrieved the simplest of weapons, the tiniest of things. A small pocketknife meant to cut duct tape, not flesh. Well, what product hadn’t been through something besides its intended use? “Entirely serious,” he said. His heart was racing as he took a step forward, a step towards her. Then another. And another. And another. “You’re in my way. You’re a threat to me.” He gave a soft smile, a smile as creepy as it was calming. “It’s human nature, you know. To get rid of threats.”

She tried again to pull free of her bonds. “Jean,” she said as he took another step and ever-so-gently unfolded the pocketknife. “How am I a threat to you? Tell me.” A dozen thoughts were flying through her head, a million scenarios crashing together and breaking apart like glass, and no matter what idea she came up with she knew that it wasn’t going to get her out of there. She’d break her hands if it meant she could slide her arms free. She’d break them  _ gladly _ . Bones regrew, reset. Grew back stronger than before. He was careful, though. He was thoughtful.

It was impossible. She couldn’t break anything. She couldn’t get out. All she could do was try to talk through it. “You can’t have him.” Jean’s voice was so low it almost didn’t register that he was talking to her. “Don’t you get it? You’ll only hurt him. I’m doing this for Eren.” Then a wild grin, a smile that truly could only be described as  _ wicked _ , spread across his face. “And I’m doing it for me.”

The first cut convinced her. This was actually happening. It wasn’t some shitty prank, it wasn’t something they were going to film and put on the Internet so everyone could laugh at her reactions when she found out it wasn’t real. Blood welled up on her cheek where the blade touched. A hot streak of it ran down her face. She didn’t know Jean very well, never had. Hadn’t cared enough. As far as she was concerned, he had always been an embarrassed little boy who probably had a crush on her. Apparently not. There was a sick joy in his eyes.

And so Jean learned a new emotion. He learned sheer joy. Joy from getting the best of someone who supposedly couldn’t be taken down, joy from erasing the threat of her existence, joy from knowing that this was one less person who could never ever pose any risk to Eren again. It was funny. Jean had always been right. He had never killed anything because he thought that he wouldn’t be able to stop.

He realized how his fears had always been valid as he peeled away layers of skin and his hands trembled in delight. She was getting what she deserved. She would have inevitably hurt Eren if Jean hadn’t put a stop to it. This was her punishment for every bad thing he knew she would have done. He was getting what he deserved, too. He was getting a wild enjoyment from knowing that he was doing the right thing. Knowing that he was protecting his Eren, even if Eren didn’t know it. He would be concerned for a few days, he would wonder what happened to Mikasa, and then it would all just fade out of his mind and the world would continue as usual.

Her scarf still rested in the instrument case. That  _ fucking _ scarf. She didn’t deserve such a nice gift from Eren. Nobody did. Nobody was deserving of him, not even Jean, but Jean was the one best suited to  _ appreciate _ him and  _ love _ him and  _ protect _ him. He didn’t notice when she stopped making noise. He didn’t notice when her body went slack and she no longer tried to resist. He didn’t notice for a long time. Not until he was practically standing in a sea of gore. Not until there was nothing left to destroy and, even if her insides hadn’t been a butchered mess, there still wasn’t enough blood left in her body to support life.

There was a circular saw in the shed out in the backyard. He retrieved it and used it to cut her away from where he had held her. And then, in a fit of  _ something _ , he took it to her body. She would be easier to dispose of if she was in pieces, after all.

He kept her head. He stuffed the rest of her in a bag and had the full intention of delivering it to the school incinerator once it was fully dark out and nobody would see him carrying the bag through town. He stuffed the pieces of her body into that bag but he took her head and put it into the small freezer they kept down there. It was supposed to be for meat, for ice cream, for anything they couldn’t fit into the freezer in the kitchen. Good thing they never bought more food than they needed.

As for that red scarf of hers, well, Jean supposed it wouldn’t hurt to keep a scrap of it, if only because it had passed through Eren’s hands before it was ever wrapped around Mikasa’s neck. Only a scrap, though. Just a tiny bit that he could explain as a bit of torn fabric he was planning to use in some kind of art project for school. The rest of it had to burn with her. It was too risky to keep it.

He cleaned himself first. Well after nightfall he set out with the bag and did precisely what he had planned to do. She was nothing but a pile of ashes now. She couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. And when she was dealt with, he set about cleaning the basement. Judging by the mess he had made, he wasn’t going to be sleeping much that night.

 

_ Mikasa Ackerman.  _

_ Time of Death: 6:48 P.M. / Cause of Death: Blood Loss and Trauma to Vital Organs. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I be sorry for killing Mikasa? Probably. Am I? Sort of. Do I regret it? Naaaaah. Look, it comes down to this: I have five planned rivals and each one of them is a ship that I don't like. That's why I'm not tagging relationships, even if they're one-sided. Because someone's going to DIE and people are going to be MAD and I am a smol child who doesn't want anyone to hate her for wrecking their ship. Honestly, if people are looking in the erejean tag, I'm assuming it's because you want to read erejean. Which means none of these other ships are going to happen. Which means I don't have any reason to tag them. You get me?  
> Well, yeah. That's that. I fucking killed Mikasa. Good job, me. Dunno when next chapter will be, not that I'm really expecting anyone to look forward to it besides maybe Han. (I can always count on you, Han.) Next chapter's rival is gonna be a guy, though, so that might be interesting. I dunno. Who knows? I don't.  
> Whatever. I'm rambling, so I'm gonna stop now. Stay tuned for the next chapter if you wanna!


	3. Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't expecting for there to be more contenders. He had expected calm and quiet once his first rival was dealt with.  
> He had been wrong. There was a lot more fighting left to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, jesus christ. I don't know why this took so long??? I've had this chapter unfinished for like eight fucking years and I just now got it done. Well, whatever. It's done. No harm no foul. Also I didn't proofread this because I'm a massive piece of shit so I mean let me know if I fucked something up somewhere because I'm sure I did ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Sunday 

It was Sunday afternoon when Jean's phone started to buzz. He answered without even bothering to look who it was; there was only ever one person who called him. In exchange for that photographic leverage over that group, he had learned a thing or two about his Informant. He was an important staple in the inner workings of the school, a ruler who silently stood in the shadow cast by Headmaster Erwin Smith. Someone who knew all of the tiny details of life within school walls. Someone who had _power._

Naturally it was the voice of the Informant on the other end of the line. “Jean. It's been two days. People are starting to really worry about Miss Ackerman, you know. She's never been away from home this long.” He chuckled. “I wonder what you did with her.”

Jean set down the book he was reading. It was one of Eren’s favorites. He had seen him check it out from the school library at least five times already that year, and if Eren liked it that much, Jean had to try it for himself. “It doesn't matter what happened to her. It just matters that she's gone.” Jean had found that he didn't particularly care for that book. But he loved Eren and Eren loved the book which meant, by extension, he loved the book too. “Thank you for your help.”

The Informant _laughed._ “It's far from over, Jean. Thanks are not yet in order.”

He sucked in a deep breath. “What do you mean?”

More laughter. “Don't tell me you thought you were _alone_ , Jean. How many people do you know that interact with Eren on a regular basis?”

“Too many.”

“Exactly. Mikasa is only one of many. Or, should I say that she _was_ one of many?”

Jean’s hands started to tremble. “How many?”

“How should I know? I can't read minds, unfortunately. Even if I wanted to I couldn't say how many people in this school are _interested_ in your precious Eren.” The sound of fingers drumming against a wooden desk filled a brief pause.

“So? W-Who’s next?” And for once, the hesitation in his words was real. He didn't feel bad about Mikasa. All he felt when he thought about what he did to her was a void inside his chest, the void that had always been with him. His elation at having ridden the world from her presence died away and quickly as it had came. But that didn't mean he looked forward to going through that entire process again. As it turned out, murder was tedious work.

“I think I should have some fun this time around. I'll give you a couple of clues, but… You'll have to figure it out for yourself. How does that sound?”

“Can I refuse?”

“Sure. You can refuse and I can tell you exactly who it is. And then I'll make sure that the police find that you had something to do with the disappearance of Mikasa Ackerman.”

“You wouldn't.”

“Wouldn't I?”

Jean let out a shaky sigh. Actually, his whole body was shaking, not just his breath. He had killed for Eren--was prepared to _keep_ killing for Eren--but he wouldn't understand. Eren wouldn't be able to understand why Jean had to take such drastic measures. Would _despise_ him.

Damn the police. They didn't matter one bit. No, it was Eren that mattered. Only him. And Eren couldn't know. “Fine,” Jean managed to get himself to say. “I'll play your game.”

The Informant was probably grinning like a fox. He seemed like that kind of person. Jean got strange vibes from him even though, as far as he knew, they had never actually met. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out who the Informant actually was, not if he got such bad feelings in his guy just talking to him on the phone.

“Wonderful,” he said. Yeah, Jean thought, that was the voice of a crazy person who had just gotten their way. “Here's the deal. I'll give you a hint, and using that little brain of yours, you have to figure out who it is. If you can't figure it out by Wednesday, I'll give you another little fact to work with. If you still don't know by Thursday after school, I'll tell you who it is so you have time to get rid of them before the weekend. However.”

Of course there was a _however._ It would be much too fair without one.

“However,” the Informant continued, “if I have to tell you who it is, you're going to have to do something for me. Anything I choose. And I promise you it's going to be much, _much_ worse than any sneaking like what you did this morning to get those pictures of Franz flirting with that other girl. No, what I would have you do wouldn't break poor Hannah’s heart. It would probably upset her entire life. Understand?”

“Yes. I understand.” He understood, sure, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He didn't like it one bit. He was already a killer. Did it have to get worse? But it was for Eren. It was all for Eren. Nothing else mattered. He had to remember that. Now was no time to get scared and back down. “What are you going to give me to work with?”

“A history. This person has a bit of a messy reputation. Some people will sing his praises and some would see him burn.” Jean made immediate note of the Informant’s use of _his_ and _him._ A guy, then. There were no guys in their school that were as physically strong as Mikasa, though a few did come close. But they weren't mentally strong. No, they were all vulnerable. He could use that. “Find the most trusted one and the one you're all the most unsure of and you'll have your person.”

The line went dead immediately after those words were said. Jean was on his own.

 

Monday 

Jean let out a long sigh. He sat alone at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, lunch tray pushed to the side and left untouched as he hunched over the open binder in front of him. He had gone through three pens, two mini rolls of duct tape, and his favorite sharpie working on that binder. The page he was writing then was almost full and he was starting to get nervous. College-ruled notebook paper always looked like there was so much room to write on it until he actually _used_ it. There was too much running through his head, too much he had to get written down. Reputations were complicated things and he wasn't sure he'd be able to sort through everything in time. The last thing he wanted was to have to bow to the will of the Informant because of some stupid _game._

It was easier to kill than it was to ruin a life that was set to continue.

Perhaps Eren would get messed up with Mikasa gone. Losing someone close to him had to hurt, after all. But if Eren needed someone, if he was feeling vulnerable and scared, Jean would be there for him. Whenever Eren came back to school, anyways. He wasn't there. The seat occupied by last name Jeäger was empty and Jean was left on his own and it _annoyed_ him. Eren was probably at home being worried sick about _Mikasa._ Eren was probably tossing and turning in bed and looking out the window and hoping she would come home. His fingers tightened around his pen. Eren would realize one day that it was good that she was gone. He had to.

Despite the urge to get up and walk out of school and go straight to Eren's house _right then_ to see how he was, Jean knew he couldn't do that. He had to stay there and eat his lunch like a regular person. Or, in his case, barely pick at his lunch and make it look like he was studying something confusing instead of working on another page in his binder of information relating to Eren and the people around him. Nobody knew he had something like that. Hopefully nobody ever would. He was in one psychology-themed elective, sure, but explaining why he had a binder full of college-ruled notebook paper without a line to be spared all documenting the tiniest of details about people's lives would be _very_ difficult to explain. So he had covered the front and back of it in band stickers and ticket stubs and taped a makeshift “contents” page to the spine of the thing. As far as anyone was concerned, his binder was full of nothing but math notes, chemistry equations, pages upon pages dedicated to his foreign language, and maybe a few doodles at the very back. They didn't have to know what it really was. They couldn't.

The last time Eren's parents had let him take more than one day off of school at a time was a back when he had gotten the flu. He should be back on Tuesday. They couldn't possibly be so worried about her that the entire family shut themselves away. People disappeared all the time. There was no reason for them to be so surprised.

Statistics didn't mean anything to anyone, though. The entire school had heard. A missing persons report had been filed and there had been a short segment on the news that morning and _everything._ They were all so surprised that Mikasa, of all people, had just up and disappeared. She was generally happy so there was no apparent reason to suspect suicide. She was too physically strong to have just been picked up off the side of the street and hauled away by some strangers looking for a ransom. Besides, if someone wanted a ransom, they probably would have demanded one already. So, did she run away? What happened to her? Where was she? Was she okay?

It was driving him absolutely _insane._

He took a deep breath. This was no time to get caught up thinking about her. He had dealt with it. She was out of the picture. They could worry and wonder all they wanted; they'd never know what happened. He had made sure of that. For now he had to seriously think about who else was in his way.

 _The most trusted one and the one you're all the most unsure of._ Someone trustworthy, then, but someone that could also throw you off the cliff instead of helping you up.

Well, that ruled out a couple of people. Armin and Marco were definitely off the list. Jean had known Marco since they were kids and, assuming that he _could_ be friends with anyone, Marco was a friend. In all those years there had never been one scrap of evidence that pointed to Marco being anything but perfectly kindhearted. As for Armin, well, he didn't know much about the kid but he knew for sure that he wasn't going to be throwing anyone off any cliffs. He had a good reputation. He carried a needle and thread in his backpack in case anyone ripped their clothes and he made extra food for lunch so he could share with people. At least, that was what he had heard.

But a glance at the kid’s social media confirmed for sure that he was far from being the kind of person anyone would doubt. He was as pure as pure could be for a boy his age. It was almost cute. Almost. It was mostly hilarious how this kid managed to remain uncorrupted, especially considering the company he kept.

That still left too many people. Too many people who could get in his way. Too many options too many enemies too many too many _too many--_

He sucked in a deep breath and told himself to calm down. It had been a little while since he felt that initial wave of emotion and he had more or less gotten used to the heavy weight of annoyance in his chest and the rage that burned through his veins, but after so long of not knowing what it felt like to _feel_ , it still caught him off guard. He was still surprised at his capability to feel anything other than indifference. He finally understood why people made such a big deal about love and why they got so worked up about it. It was soul-consuming. It was heaven and hell and purgatory all wrapped up in one neat little package.

He had to shove that to the side for now. He had to think logically. If Armin and Marco were off the list, he just had to continue to work through it and mark off people he didn't have to worry about. It was that simple.

And yet that _difficult._ He didn't know most of these people. He had never had a reason to get to know them, to try to be their friend. Everyone up until now had just sort of _been_ there without really existing to him. Now that they existed and he had no idea who he was up against, there was a constant knot in his stomach and a nagging sense of a deadline he couldn't, under any circumstances, afford to miss. He had to make this.

He scratched out another name. Why had he even written down Franz to begin with? Paranoia, probably. He didn't have to worry about _Franz._ He was already head-over-heels for Hannah, regardless of what either of them said. Everyone knew they were in love, even if they personally didn't. It was obnoxious.

The whole thing was obnoxious. How could anyone ever think they could treat Eren the way he deserved? Why did they think they were good enough? They _weren't._ Jean was the only one who could love Eren the right way, the only one who could really well and truly appreciate him and care for him and be there for him and just _be_ with him. Nobody else could understand it. Nobody could ever realize just how special Eren was. Jean was the only person in the world who could entirely love Eren.

And he was going to protect him. His resolve hardened in that moment and he decided that even if he wasn't smart enough to figure it out, even if he had to do some kind of fucked up _favor_ for the Informant in exchange for a name, he would protect Eren. No matter what.

 

Tuesday 

It wasn't Connie either. After hours of gathering notes and digging through the social media pages of every single guy on his stupid list, he had figured that even though Connie wasn't the most _reliable_ of people, Jean didn't have to worry about him one bit. Connie was nothing to be concerned about. No, Jean was more concerned about how Eren was back at school and sitting next to him again and looked like he hadn't slept at all in the past four days. He was tapping his foot and drumming his fingers on the desk and staring straight ahead without actually seeing anything.

“Eren?” Jean asked, taking a little leap of faith. “Are… Are you okay?” He mentally cursed himself for being so weak, for truly stumbling over his words when it came to Eren. But it was normal, wasn't it? He had read about it before. People usually got nervous around the people they loved.

Eren looked over. The dark circles under his eyes made Jean’s heart hurt. It was his fault that Eren was losing sleep. It wasn't his fault that Eren was so worked up about Mikasa, though. She was just a speck of dust, blown away with the wind and never to come back. He hoped Eren could cut loose of his ties to her soon.

“Do I _look_ okay to you?”

“You look like utter shit, actually,” Jean replied, “but I just, I dunno, wanted to check up on you.”

A sigh. “Thanks for worrying. I guess. I'll be better when Mikasa gets home. She's gotta come home.” His voice cracked over the last word and he repeated, “S-She’s gotta come home, right? She's fine. May-maybe we made her mad, y’know, and she'll come back when she's not angry anymore and everything is gonna be _fine._ She’s my family. I c-can't lose her.”

Jean nodded and did his best to look sympathetic. “I'm sure she'll be home soon. She's a tough girl. If anyone can take care of themselves it’s her.”

Eren ran a hand through his already messy hair and it was all Jean could do to keep breathing. The sane part of him knew that he was a horrible human being that was the reason behind his beloved’s misery. The rest of him was wondering how it was possible for one person to be so _perfect._ “Yeah. I know. I just…” Oh, lord. Even his shaky, nervous voice was perfect. It wasn't fair. “I just worry. She's been messed up since _it_ happened and I think she's been hiding how she really feels and I don't want her to be hurt I just want her to come home in one piece and be okay and--”

The drumming of his fingers had ceased and his hands were then firmly planted on the desk. Jean could tell how desperately Eren was trying to keep them from shaking right off of his arms. The panicked rambling fell silent when Jean reached over and put his hand on top of Eren's. “It'll be okay,” he assured. “And if you need someone to talk to or somewhere to stay if your house freaks you out, I, well, I'm happy to help however I can. I know this can't be easy. But you've got support, okay?”

That was what did it. That was what caused a tear to spill. As much as everyone offered their condolences and empty promises that it would be okay, nobody had talked to him like this yet. And Jean knew it. Of course he did. Regardless of how anyone else was treating Eren and regardless of Jean’s end goals, he meant what he said. He had murdered Mikasa and damn if he wasn't going to _be there_ for Eren when he clearly needed someone.

And then the classroom door flung open and in came their teacher and Eren did his best to pull himself together. Jean had been given a small window of opportunity in the moments before class began. He just hoped he had used his chance wisely. If Eren didn't trust him, well and truly _trust_ him, Jean wasn't sure what he was going to do. Eren's love and Eren's trust always seemed so damn far out of reach but Jean was _desperate_ and wanted nothing but for Eren to return his feelings. To be his.

Only his. Forever.

 

Wednesday 

The shrill ringing of the dismissal bell rang through the hallways and classrooms while hundreds of teenagers desperate to get home for the day shoved their books in their bags and banged their locker doors shut. Jean couldn't say he was in a very good mood, regardless of how nice it was to get to go home after a day that seemed to be nothing but quizzes and endless review sessions with classmates that he hated.

His phone started to ring. He had never changed the ringtone of his Informant; it never seemed needed. After all, he was planning to dump the guy as soon as everything was all over and Eren was his. He had even been nice earlier that day and sent in an audio recording of a little _something_ he had heard going on inside the janitor’s closet. The Informant had seemed ecstatic about receiving a recording, sure, but not enough so that he'd go ahead and tell Jean who was the target.

He answered with a bit of reluctance. “What?”

“Well, that's no way to greet a friend.”

“Is that what this is?”

“I _am_ helping you to commit murder in the name of a fucked up love. I think that makes us friends.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Do you want the promised second clue or not, you little brat?”

Jean let out a sigh and glanced around. Nobody was paying attention to him. “Yes. Tell me what it is.”

“I guess I could say that he's just a _bit_ of a delinquent.”

There weren't many “delinquent” types in school. No, there weren't many at all, and there were only two that Jean could think of that had even the slightest hint of good things in their pasts. So, which one was a better person? A bit less of an asshole?

Then he laughed out loud and attracted a bit of attention that disappeared as quickly as it came. Teenage boys laughing while talking on their phones didn't seem to be much of an issue. “Reiner. It's Reiner, isn't it?”

The Informant let out a frustrated huff. “What gave it away?”

“Reiner is shorter than Bert is. You shouldn't have emphasized the ‘bit’ part. No victory for you yet.”

“Damn. And here I was looking forward to seeing you humiliate someone at the next basketball game.”

Jean rolled his eyes. He knew how to handle this one. “Maybe next time,” he said rather insincerely before ending the call. He had heard things about Reiner. Things he could work with. Things that made him think he might not even have to get his hands dirty for this one.

The sudden rattle of a hand slamming on the door of the locker next to him nearly made him jump out of his skin.

The beat of his heart only increased when he saw who was standing there. Eren looked worse than he had the day before and he was still completely and utterly beautiful.

“I need to stay at your house,” Eren said without preamble. “Armin has a test tomorrow he's gotta study for and I don't wanna ask anyone else but I can't sleep at my house and I'm fucking _exhausted_ so I need your couch for a couple nights.”

Oh, holy _shit._ Thank the stars above for this miracle. When Jean had made his offer he didn't actually think Eren would take him up on it. It almost seemed too good to be true. Eren, asking for his help? Asking to _stay_ in his _house_ for a _couple_ of nights?

The world was a beautiful place. “Of course,” he said once he got his thoughts in line. “Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. My parents are out of town for, God, I dunno, a long ass time so you can stay however long you need to. I know how to cook too, you know, so…”

Eren smiled. It was small and exhausted and _pitiful_ , but it was a smile. And Jean had never felt so blessed.

That was how Eren Jeäger ended up in Jean’s house, wearing an extra pair of Jean’s pajamas, snuggling underneath Jean’s blankets in Jean’s bed because he'd be _damned_ if he was going to let the light of his life sleep on the fucking couch. After all, with his parents out of town, it was no big deal if he used their bed for a little while. He wanted Eren to be comfortable. His parent’s room was also bigger than his own which was, frankly, another thing to add to the list of blessings he had been given. He needed room to work while Eren slept.

Eren was actually _sleeping._ After all those rough nights, all it took was a different bed in a different house to knock him straight out. In a perfect world Jean would be able to stay there with Eren all night, but he didn't need a perfect world. He needed a world where Eren could sleep so Jean could go out and leave Reiner a nice surprise to wake up to.

It took at least an hour and a half to get everything in order and packed up in his backpack, a plain black bag that he was an expert at putting as much stuff as possible into. Everything that he could get from his own house was counted for. There was just one last thing. Well, a couple of things, but he grouped them all together because each one was _incredibly_ disgusting. He made sure to bring latex gloves and plastic bags along for the ride.

The door creaked open and he looked over his shoulder. That was the downside of his and his parent’s rooms being across the hall from each other: it was easy to see when the light was on. There Eren stood, hair all messed up and eyes half closed. His voice was laced with sleep when he asked, “You're still up?”

Jean sighed. “Wasn't tired yet.” He walked over and slid an arm around Eren, gently turning him back in the direction of Jean’s room. “I was just about to go to bed. You go back to sleep, okay?” Leading a sleepy and confused Eren to a bed and actually getting him _in_ the bed was a lot easier in theory than in practice. Good thing he was so stubborn and cared so much. He got Eren back in bed and all nice and comfortable eventually. “Go back to sleep.”

Eren gave a tiny little moan that made Jean feel like the luckiest damn guy alive at the moment.

He gently closed the door behind him. He flipped the light off in his parent’s room and shrugged on his backpack and reminded himself that the reason he had to do this was sleeping across the hall. It was going to be fine. He was going to be back before Eren woke up again.

Now, Jean hadn't expected this next part to be easy. There were a lot of things that he found easy, like trig and chemistry and computer science, but there were some things that were much easier in theory. For instance, finding good pieces of roadkill in the middle of the night. There were a lot of trees in his neighborhood and a lot of trees meant a lot of squirrels. A lot of squirrels could only mean a lot of roadkill.

It wasn't that it was _difficult_ to find the little shits; the worst part of trying to collect dead animals was finding specimens that hadn't already been run over a thousand times. While he was sure that jutting bones and spilling guts would leave _quite_ the impression, it wasn't the look he was going for. Not this time. Not tonight.

He was saving those for tomorrow.

Reiner’s house was on a bit of a border between the tree-filled suburb Jean lived in and an impressive city, the city Eren lived in. The school accepted students both from the suburb and the city, meaning Jean had to remember which students lived where. He had to keep track of all of them. He _had_ to because one day he might have to pay someone a visit, being friendly or otherwise. It didn't take a genius to figure out the Jean’s visit to Reiner’s house was anything but friendly. He felt anything but friendship towards that man. Boy. Person. Thing.

He hated him. He wanted to tear his guts out and serve them on a platter. Maybe he could make them look presentable and actually make a meal of them. It wouldn't be unheard of. A bit twisted and sick, yes, but not unheard of. A bit too much effort, too. Fuck that.

So he settled. He settled for sneaking into Reiner’s house, a much easier task than it sounded. Idiots didn't lock their windows or have bug screens. It was almost like they _wanted_ someone to crawl in through the windows in the middle of the night. Reiner’s room was just as easy to find as it had been to get into the house. His door was covered in stickers of death metal bands and a lot of drawings that looked like they came straight out of his 2012 emo/scene phase. Looked like he never completely outgrew it. Eren once said “once an emo, always an emo” when he was asked why he still listened to a couple of bands from that era. It was _adorable._

It was adorable for Eren, anyways. It was fucking embarrassing with Reiner. Good thing he was planning on wrecking that guy’s room anyways. He slowly opened and door and closed it behind him, mindful of every movement he made. He had _not_ gone scavenging for dead squirrels at one in the morning just to wake up his target.

One at the end of the bed. One on the windowsill. One on the floor in front of the closet doors. One on the nightstand. Red marker on the white closet doors, a message meant to intimidate. A message that clearly said _watch your back_ in a bit more cryptic language. A mess of papers on the floor, just for good measure.

And when his work was done, he left as quickly as he had came.

 

Thursday 

Jean made eggs for breakfast, the way he knew Eren liked them. He knew everything about Eren, including that he liked to dump half of the pepper shaker onto his plate. Jean left the pepper next to Eren’s plate and went to wake him up.

The morning passed in a blissful haze. Jean’s heart was pounding in his chest so hard it almost hurt but _goddamn_ if it wasn't a good kind of hurt. They ate breakfast together and got ready for school together and walked together and were simply _together_ and Jean was convinced that no matter what, he would never get used to the inexplicable love he felt towards Eren. Eren was precious to him. So, so precious. He would lay down his life for Eren in a heartbeat.

There were whispers when they walked into school side by side. There were murmurs when it was overheard that Eren was staying with Jean for a little while. That wasn't the biggest issue in school that day, though. Not by a long shot. The biggest issue was that Reiner had found dead animals in his room when he woke up that morning, that someone was clearly threatening his life.

The issue was that it continued throughout the day. There were no dead animals in school, no, but Reiner kept looking over his shoulder and shifting nervously. Jean excused himself to the bathroom during lunch--which he was eating with _Eren_ since they were pretty much living together for a few days and needed to get more used to each other--and delivered a few more surprises to dear Mr. Braun’s locker and homeroom desk, courtesy of a teacher that Jean had wrapped around his finger. A few things that would make him _desperate_ for answers and to be left alone, even if his problems had only just begun. It was _perfect._

As soon as Jean got back to the table where they were sitting, Eren asked if they could watch a movie or something that night. Something to keep his mind off of things. Even if Jean had never understood the appeal of movies about animated animals, which he knew were Eren’s favorite for _some_ reason, he wasn't going to say no to him. Couldn't. He was sure he'd love whatever Eren wanted to watch.

In the brief moments between the end of lunch and the beginning of next period, a brief shriek could be heard from the direction of Reiner’s locker. Looked like he had found the nice little mess Jean had left for him. Photos, of course. Jean had gotten quite proficient with a camera since he had been taken under the Informant’s wing, even if it had only been a little while ago and he would be more than happy to break that wing.

Photos of himself that Reiner didn't know existed, photos that could destroy him, photos with big red X’s over the eyes and photos cut to shreds. Photos that made it quite clear that Reiner was no longer safe.

Eren seemed almost concerned. They walked home together, of course, after a brief pit stop at Eren’s house so he could get a couple more changes of clothes. He talked about how strange it was that someone was apparently threatening Reiner. He said that he hoped it was some kind of fucked up prank and not something serious. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, what was happening to Reiner and what happened to Mikasa were connected somehow. It seemed bizarre that two students have things happen to them in two weeks. Jean offered no input, just made it clear that he would listen to whatever Eren had to say without judgement.

It was infinitely satisfying to know that Eren trusted him. That he saw nothing suspicious in Jean’s silence, that he felt safe enough to let his theories out into the open. There were no words to describe how it felt to sit so close to Eren on the tiny couch in his living room as they continued to talk about the goings on with Reiner and the mystery of the whole situation while some movie Jean didn't know the name of played in the background, courtesy of Eren picking up a bit more than just clothes from his house.

With every passing moment he was more and more convinced that he was, no matter what, doing the right thing. Underlying doubts were starting to melt away, one by one. He couldn't let anyone close to Eren that would extinguish the light in his eyes and he knew--he _knew_ \--that Mikasa would have worn him down and Reiner would drive him to an early grave. He was protecting Eren. He was Eren’s guardian, his protector, his support. And Jean knew that one day, _one day_ , Eren would wake up and realize that Jean had been there all along and that he _loved_ him and that they were meant to be together no matter _what_ and Jean would finally be able to rest easy knowing that Eren was safe, right there in his arms. Right where he was meant to be.

One day.

 

Friday 

Reiner wasn't at school. People were nervous, wondering if he was okay after what had happened to him the day before. Jean hadn't heard any more from the Informant since the phone call when he figured out who it was. And Eren, sweet Eren, was going to stay the weekend with Jean. He wouldn't go home until Monday, until he was sure he was nice and rested. If there was such a thing as _heaven_ on earth rather than hell, Jean was pretty convinced that he was living in it. His phone was silent. His rival was absent. The light of his life was sitting next to him at the lunch table.

Yeah, things were good that afternoon. They were exceptional. Maybe he would make some cookies for Eren when they got home. Eren liked old fashioned chocolate chip, if Jean remembered correctly. He could make those easily. Then maybe they could watch another movie, sit a little closer together, let their skin touch a little bit more. Infinite possibilities stretched out before him and if that wasn't enough to make him work on some of his homework during lunch break, nothing was.

That was why he was pouring over some math work instead of focusing on eating. That was why Eren kept poking him in the ribs and making fun of him for being a nerd. He wasn't planning on asking Eren to stop, either. His ribs were delicate and the repeated poking was starting to hurt, but _damn_ it was a good kind of hurt. A hurt caused by an affectionate gesture from the person he loved most. From the only person he loved. He would enjoy any and every scrap of physical pain that Eren caused him.

Emotional pain was a different story, of course. He couldn't bear to see Eren go off with someone else. He wouldn't be able to recover if Eren one day said that he hated him. If Eren cast Jean aside, if he threw him out like a piece of garbage, Jean knew he would waste away to nothing. He would die. He would rather die than live in a world where Eren couldn't love him. He would rather stab himself in the heart than hear Eren say, “I hate you.”

He wanted Eren to be happy with him. He wanted for the two of them to be together forever. And soon, so very soon, that would finally be possible. They would walk home together and have a lovely evening together and hopefully Eren would finally _understand_ how much Jean loved him and he would realize his own feelings and they could finally be _together._

They had gotten closer than Jean had expected while Eren stayed with him. As it turned out, living with someone resulted in the strengthening of your bond. Assuming that the people living together got along to begin with, anyways. Thank the stars that they had already been on the road towards a relationship.

Jean was startled from his thoughts by the sudden _smack_ of paper against the table. He looked up and saw someone standing there, someone he knew _of_ but didn't know the _name_ of. Some random kid who probably didn't make any difference in the world. Someone who had never come up on Jean’s radar before.

“Look. Teacher asked me to bring these by Reiner’s house so he can turn ‘em in on Monday. Dunno where he lives, but I hear you live in the same general neighborhood that he does so I was hopin’ you could give ‘em to him for me,” the guy said in one go, not giving Jean room to get a word in. “I'll find you after school to pass on the rest. I’ll pay for your lunch on Monday, if you want.”

Jean sighed in fake irritation and took the papers. “Alright. But you're getting me a dessert, too.”

“Deal.”

Oh, that guy really should have just looked up Reiner’s info in the school directory. Giving Jean a _reason_ go to see Reiner before nightfall was a horrible, horrible idea that was only going to end poorly.

For Reiner.

Parting ways with Eren at the end of the school day was the worst part about having to make that delivery, even though Jean had handed his house key over and knew that Eren would be waiting for him to get home. God, Eren was going to be _waiting_ for him. It sounded too good to be true.

Eren was waiting for him back home and Reiner was finally about to be out of the picture once and for all. He walked quickly and let the sounds of the suburbs surround him as he went. It was a nice day, all things considered. The weather was nice and the breeze was comfortable for that time of years, yes, but he wanted nothing more than to be home. Home with Eren.

Reiner answered the door. He was there alone, apparently. He let Jean in without a second thought.

“Brought you your homework,” Jean said with a false smile. “The person who was supposed to do it got sick by the end of the day and asked if I could do it.”

With a loud sigh Reiner claimed his homework. “Thanks,” he muttered. “Did anything happen today?”

Jean shook his head. “Not in particular. But, hey, I was wondering if maybe you still had any of the things that person left in your room. I heard there were notes, yeah? And I know a lot of people’s handwriting. Thought maybe I could help.”

“I have too many,” Reiner sighed. “I woke up to another mess.” There was a haunted look on his face with a stroke of horror in his eyes. He seemed broken. “There were… dead things. More than just squirrels. I locked my window and everything and someone still got in. Fuck, man, if you think you can help _please_ do. _Please._ I don't know what to do.”

Jean followed him down the hall to his room, to the ugly door styled a long time ago. He tried his best to sound helpful when he asked, “Haven't you called the police? They could help.”

Reiner shot Jean a glance. “No. I won't go to them.”

“Why not?”

“I have my reasons. Not any of your business.”

“Alright. Fine. Let's just see the mess.”

Reiner ushered Jean into his room and closed the door behind them. There were still hints of the mess Jean left for him the past two nights; there was red where guts had spilled, fur where the things had shed, and _holy shit_ was that an actual animal’s organ still underneath the edge of Reiner’s bed? Jean hoped it was. That would be interesting. He hadn't even messed with anything bad enough for an _organ_ to come out. Goddamn. What did Reiner do with his gifts?

Reiner shoved a paper over at Jean. He glanced over it and remembered the feeling of his pen going across the paper as he wrote the message now in front of him.

“It's not going to end,” Jean said plainly. “Whoever is doing this isn't going to stop.”

“Sure they will. They'll get bored with me eventually, right?” Jean thoroughly enjoyed the fear on Reiner's face. He may be physically strong but goddamn if he didn't have one of the weakest mentalities Jean had ever encountered. “They can't fuck with me forever.”

Jean shook his head. “After all the work this person put into bringing _dead things_ into your house, you really think they're gonna give up? This person gets stopped or gets what they want.”

Reiner sat down on his bed and took a deep breath. “You're smart. Lots of people I know have told me you've helped ‘em with homework. What do you think this person wants from me? W-What could I _possibly_ have to offer?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“What?”

“You have nothing to offer. That's why you're being targeted.” Jean shrugged and tore the paper in his hands. “You have two options, so far as I'm concerned. The first one is to get the police involved, figure out who it is, and get them dealt with so they can't bother you or anyone else ever again.”

“I already said no to the police. The fuck is my second option?”

“Die.”

_“What?”_

“You can't be hurt if you're dead.” He let the torn paper fall to the floor. “People like this don't give up. You get help or you die. You don't have another choice. Take your pick.”

“N-no, there’s _gotta_ be something. There _has_ to be. I don't need help and I don't need to die, right? Can't be like that. Maybe I just gotta be patient and they’ll give up.”

Jean turned around to leave. “I know what I'm talking about. You have no one to blame but yourself when this continues. Get help or die, I don't care. It's your choice.”

He had no doubt that Reiner would make the right decision.

 

Saturday 

“Jean. Jean, wake up.”

Jean groaned and forced his eyes open. He was on the couch, laying in a position that was sure to make him regret his entire life in a few minutes. Where had Eren slept? Had he been comfortable?

“What's up?”

“Armin called. Bad news.”

Jean sighed and managed to get himself to sit up. “What happened?” Honestly, as long as nothing was wrong with Eren he didn't really care _what_ was going on, but he was concerned. Concerned because Eren looked a bit freaked out.

Eren motioned for Jean to scoot over and sat down next to him. “Reiner’s mom and Armin's mom are friends, I think. They got a call early this morning. Reiner’s dead.”

Yeah, no surprise there. “Seriously?”

“Apparently he hung himself.” Eren paused and ran a hand through his hair. “I don't think anyone thought he was having much trouble, you know? Like, there was that whole stink the other day, but I kind of thought he was alright. Thought to myself that maybe he was kidding about literal dead animals in his house. Thought that couldn't possibly happen in real life. Hell,wondered if maybe he wasn't hallucinating. Did he seem okay when you went to his house?”

Jean did his best to look contemplative. “I guess so. I mean, I don't know him very well, but…”

Eren let out the most exasperated sigh Jean had ever heard. “This is bullshit. Mikasa is missing and now Reiner is fucking _dead_ and I can't help but think they're connected and I'm fucking _terrified_ , Jean. This is such _bullshit.”_

“It'll be okay, Eren. I promise. Someone will figure it all out.” Jean gave a gentle smile. “I'll make breakfast, alright? I'll make some breakfast and we can try to calm down. It'll be okay. Promise.”

“Alright. Sounds good.” He sighed again, a lot quieter this time. Resigned. “What if someone tries to come after me, though? What if I get attacked or something?”

Jean steeled his nerves and grabbed Eren’s hand. “I won't let anyone hurt you. I'll keep you safe. Promise.”

 

_Reiner Braun._

_Time of Death: 5:14 A.M. / Cause of Death: Hanging Resulting in Suffocation._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I'LL TRY NOT TO TAKE THIS FUCKING LONG FOR ONLY 7K WORDS AGAIN RIP SPENCE


	4. Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another. Another one he has to dispose of.  
> Things are starting to get a bit tedious and a bit... out of hand. Just a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard yandere dev likes the electrocution method of murder in the game so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Monday

It had been  _ so _ worth it. There had been a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he reached out to Eren that Saturday morning and he had felt like he was going to puke if Eren pulled away, but he didn't. Eren didn't pull away. He had instead let out a tired-sounding sigh and leaned over, resting his head on Jean’s shoulder. They had sat there like that until the growl of Eren’s stomach interrupted that peaceful silence. That was Jean’s cue to make good on his promise to prepare breakfast. 

Eren had stayed close to him all that weekend. His parents called a few times to check up on him and he assured them that he was okay, that he was feeling better and might be able to come home soon without panicking, but he didn't actually tell Jean that he was ready to go home. Maybe, just  _ maybe _ , Eren would want to stay. He would want to stay for a long, long time. He never wanted Eren to leave. 

Eren was almost always touching him that weekend. He sat closer and he draped his legs over Jean’s lap and he held Jean’s hand and it was absolute  _ heaven.  _ They  _ talked _ that weekend like they never had before. They opened up to each other. Eren told Jean his fears of what was happening in the world, both to them and to people far away; his hopes and what he wanted to do with his life; the things he wanted to do and the places he wanted to see; and he would always clamp his mouth shut after a while and mutter something about how he was talking about himself too much. Jean didn't care. He could listen to Eren talk forever. 

Come Monday, Jean was sure that nothing could possibly go wrong. He was sure that he had dealt with his problems and Eren would finally be his. All his. Forever. 

Then Eren said mostly to himself, “The fuck?”

Jean looked over to Eren’s desk. “What is it?”

Eren held up a folded piece of paper. “Got a note. Dunno who from.”

“What's it say?”

“It's an invitation, kind of.” Eren passed it over. “Person wants me to meet ‘em out on the roof after school on Friday.”

Jean tried to keep his composure as he took the note from Eren. He unfolded it gently and read the words written there, words written in a script of large letters with curled ends and long lines through  _ t _ ’s and small dots drawn atop the  _ i _ ’s. He knew it was a girl’s handwriting and he knew it was the handwriting of someone in their class; he had seen this writing before, once when he was taking up test papers for Hanji, but for the life of him he couldn't remember just  _ who _ it belonged to. 

Hanji Zoë was the only teacher in school that was okay with her students calling her by her first name. Coincidentally, she was also the best teacher in school. Her and Mr. Ackerman were the only teachers of note, really. The rest of them just faded into the background. Mr. Ackerman only stood out because of how short he was and that stupid fucking haircut. There were a couple of nurses, too, but only one of them ever seemed to be there in the nurse’s office. Petra Ral, who was quite frankly the only faculty member apart from Hanji that anybody gave a shit about. 

Jean handed the note back about the time the classroom door flew open and in stepped Hanji, looking crazed as ever. She always started class with something stupid, be it an obscure fact about lobsters or an introduction like, “Alright, kiddos. Time to do some  _ science!” _

It was a bit up in the air if her teacher style really benefited the learning of science. Hell, everybody knew she went into chemistry just because she could blow shit up without getting hauled off to jail or something. Hanji Zoë  _ really _ loved to blow shit up. She had almost blown up the lab two months ago during an experiment. She was… special. Yeah, that was the word. Special. 

But Jean couldn't be bothered to even pretend to pay attention that day. No, not knowing that there was yet  _ another _ person who might be a threat to his and Eren’s relationship. Someone he had to get rid of. 

It was lunchtime when Jean’s phone started to buzz. Eren was sitting across from him, slowly picking away at his food and making notes in his notebook. He barely looked up when Jean’s phone went off. Thank fuck. It was the Informant, of course, texting him a message that said,  _ Have you been thinking about your new enemy? _

_ Of course,  _ Jean tapped out.  _ How long have you known? _

The reply he got read,  _ Since Saturday. Do you need any help yet? _

Jean took in a sharp breath. Then he replied,  _ No. I've almost figured it out. I don't need you.  _

The Informant didn't reply.

He tucked his phone back into his pocket and turned his attention back to Eren and his lunch. Nothing was going to ruin lunch with his beloved, not today. Not when he had taken the first steps down the road of making Eren realize how much Jean loved him. The road of Eren coming to return those feelings. 

Eren would be his soon enough. He had to be. One way or another, Jean was going to have him. No matter what. Of course he wanted Eren to come to realize his feelings by himself, but that didn't mean Jean wasn't willing to take drastic measures. More drastic than he was already taking, anyways. 

There were only a few girls in their homeroom class, even fewer who ever interacted with Eren on a regular basis. Some of the girls in their class were actually  _ afraid _ of him. They were scared of Eren, the most  _ perfect _ human being Jean had ever met. It was incomprehensible, sure, but at least it narrowed his list of options. Who in class  _ wasn’t _ scared of Eren? 

Sasha and Annie. They weren't afraid of him, not in the slightest. Never had been. Logically, though, how could it be Sasha? Nobody was quite sure if her and Connie were a thing or not, but in any case she seemed preoccupied what with the club and all. Her and Connie were in the occult club together, along with a few other people Jean couldn't be bothered to remember the names of. People who were nothing to him. 

_ Annie, _ though? Really? Annie didn't seem to care about anyone, much less Eren. She looked at him like he was a cockroach. It made Jean sick that anyone could look at him that way. He was  _ perfect _ and it seemed so  _ impossible _ for someone to it be able to realize that. 

He needed more proof. He couldn't just  _ assume _ that it was Annie. There were other girls in their class, girls that might have gotten over their frights. He needed to see Annie’s handwriting to know for sure. How he could do that without it being weird was another issue entirely. There was so much to take into consideration all the time now; only a few weeks ago everything was calm and the most he had to worry about was not tripping over his own two feet when he was put on the same team as Eren in gym. Things were so much simpler back then. 

He almost missed those days. Almost. Eren wasn't staying nights with Jean back then, he wasn't sharing meals and class notes and glances. Maybe things were difficult now that Jean had to worry even more about someone taking Eren away from him. Maybe it was easier when he wasn't constantly afraid of his love being ripped away from him. That didn't mean he wanted those days back.

He almost had Eren now. Back then he was just the guy that sat next to him in chemistry, nothing more. He was something now. Slowly but surely Eren was finally starting to  _ notice _ him. All the overwhelming emotions were finally falling into place. The confusion and irritation were all going to be worth it when his problems were dealt with and Eren would be his. 

He took a deep breath and pushed those thoughts from his head. For now he was going to focus on Eren, nothing else. Nothing else was worth the time. He could spare some time later to figure out how to prove that his rival was Annie. Later. 

Eren sighed. “My mom really wants me to go back home.”

“I guess that's reasonable. Do you want to go home?”

“Not really. Even stopping by the other day to get some stuff stressed me out. There’s like, I dunno, this  _ pressure _ in the air over there. Too much anxiety. Mika still isn't home and the atmosphere  _ sucks _ and…” Eren paused and shook his head. “I dunno how to explain it. I think I  _ could _ be there, but it doesn't feel like I  _ should.” _

“Tell her that.”

“Have you  _ met _ my mother?”

“Yeah. And I think that she cares about you enough to realize that forcing you to go back there before you're ready is going to mess you up. If she really gets it then there's no reason she shouldn't let you keep staying with me.”

“Maybe I'll call and talk to her after school.”

“Want me to wait up for you?”

“Nah.” Eren smiled. “I'm a big kid now, believe it or not.”

Jean shrugged. “Based on the amount of sugar you've inhaled these past few days I’ve started to wonder how old you  _ really _ are.”

“Hey, fuck you. Not my fault you guys have the good shit. You know what we have at our house? Celery, Jean! More  _ fucking _ celery than you've seen in your life.”

“You're kidding.”

“I am not. I could  _ bury  _ myself in celery. It's ridiculous.”

Jean laughed. It was a nice feeling, being able to be genuinely  _ happy  _ with Eren. “I'm gonna have to see that celery hoard one of these days.”

“You're welcome anytime. The least I can do is give you a tour of the celery house.”

“Nerd.”

“Jackass.”

 

Tuesday

Monday night had been miserable. Eren called Carla like he had said he would, no big deal. It was, however, a big deal when she showed up at Jean’s house with Eren in tow and an attitude that said she was fed up. She said something about how Eren could go back and stay with Jean during the weekend but having her son out on school nights was making her even more stressed than she already was with Mikasa still being gone. 

Apparently Eren’s opinions didn't matter. She stood around and waited while he gathered up in his stuff and dragged him home without a look over her shoulder. And so Jean was left on his own. 

Eren showed up to school on Tuesday looking sleepless once again. He was dragging his feet and his eyes were bloodshot beyond belief and he had a miserable look on his face. His back was bent under his backpack.

Jean wanted to march to Eren's house and scream at his mother until she cried and realized how fucking  _ stupid _ she was being. 

Eren flopped into his seat and groaned. “I'm sneaking out tonight,” he announced, apparently uncaring as to who heard him.

Jean raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“I'm fucking exhausted. I got a bit of sleep, I guess, but not enough.” He folded his arms on the desk to rest his head on. “I can't do it yet. Can't sleep well back home. Not yet. So after my parents are asleep I wanna get out and go somewhere else and try to get back before they wake up.”

“Where are you planning on going?”

“Well…” Eren lifted his head and gave Jean an almost pleading look. 

Jean chuckled. “I told you that you could stay as long as you need, right? I'll set an early alarm so you can get home in time.”

“You're a lifesaver.”

“It's a tough job.”

Eren laid his head back down. Jean focused on carefully arranging the things on his desk instead of focusing on how precious Eren looked right then. It would have been awkward if Eren opened his eyes and just saw Jean staring at him. 

Everyone in the room nearly jumped out of their skin when the floor suddenly flung open. Hanji always had to make a dramatic entrance, apparently. 

“I'm pairing you nerds up for a project today,” she announced proudly as if it was commonplace for teachers to tell their students that they were nerds. “I've decided the pairs already so don't get excited, alright? Last time I let you guys choose partners half of you almost got suspended.”

Hanji Zoë’s chemistry class did  _ not _ fuck around. 

“So! I've taken every precaution with choosing partners this time. No couples, no best friends, no enemies. I've got this all under control.” Even though Hanji  _ said _ she had it under control, Jean highly doubted that she did. “Before I pair you off, let me tell you what we’re doing today.”

Jean hardly paid attention to that part. It didn't matter. No matter what it was he knew that he was going to do spectacularly. Always did. He could do chemistry with his eyes sewed shut. He wasn’t just some second-rate lovestruck schoolboy. The amount of times he had copied his notes for his classmates was continuously getting larger and larger and it was starting to get  _ exhausting _ but if he didn’t do it then they’d start to think he was a  _ jerk _ and that was the last thing he needed for people to think of him. If enough people thought he was a jerk then they might poison Eren’s mind and make him think the way they did and that absolutely could  _ not _ be allowed. And so he was eternally cursed to scan, print, and copy his notes over and over again since it seemed that all of his classmates were the stupidest people on the planet.

Eren was the only person in that school that was well and truly worth the space he took up. They could all jump off of a bridge together and Jean wouldn’t be able to care less, just as long as Eren wasn't with them. As long as Eren was safe, the school and everyone in it could burn. They could throw themselves onto the pyre and Jean could fall asleep to the sounds of their screaming among the crackling of the fire. He didn’t need any of them.

What he did need was a chance. A chance that was graciously given to him in the form of his project partner. Of course being with Eren would have been ideal, but it wasn’t exactly a secret that they had been hanging out a lot since everything started. Hanji probably didn’t want them to slack off like the other kids would if they were put with their friends. It pissed him off. He and Eren were  _ different _ from the rest of them. They were actually capable of holding their mouths shut for more than five seconds at a time. They could work together better than any other possible team in that entire room. It wasn’t Eren. That would have been too kind.

Who he got was the second-best option. Just the person he needed to know about. Annie.

There were always whispers when someone got paired up with Annie; nobody ever wanted to get stuck with her. She was one of the least cooperative people Jean knew. She was quiet, withdrawn, aloof, and she knew how to hold her irritation under her skin until it exploded into a storm that was hell to be on the receiving end of. She was clever, though. She was damn clever. Suddenly Jean was insanely thankful that he had never approached her regarding the Mikasa incident. She was the only one smart enough to figure it out.

And her handwriting gave him all the information he needed. The image of that note had been burned into his brain. It wouldn’t have mattered even if she had tried to disguise her handwriting; there was no way she could fool him. Nobody could. The length and height of the letters, the placement of crosses and dots, the spacing… He knew. He knew it was her.

She had to go.

 

Wednesday

It was a simple enough plan. The only difficult part of the whole thing was that his timing had to be  _ perfect _ . If he got it wrong, if anybody  _ saw _ him, it was all going to go straight to hell in a fucking handbasket. He couldn’t let that happen. After being Eren’s choice of a safe haven at night, though, he was confident that he could do absolutely anything that was necessary. 

The best part about his plan was that, theoretically, there would be absolutely  _ nothing _ that could possibly connect him to it. As far as anyone would know, it was going to be a total accident. No kidnapping with a side of murder. No convinced suicide. Nothing. Just a tiny little accident, something that could have happened to anyone at any given time. Something that could be considered a little prank gone wrong. Something that he wouldn’t be suspected of entirely because of just  _ where _ it took place. 

The  _ where _ was the trickiest part. Nobody could see him, not one person. Not if he was going to keep up his reputation of a nice, respectful boy that people could trust. Not if Eren was going to continue to put his faith in him. He could do this, though. He could. He knew he could.

Eren kicked Jean’s shin and brought him out of his thoughts in the most painful way possible. Lunch period was the best part of the school day. He could look up from that fake, cheap, shitty meal the school gave him and see the face of the most important person in the universe and suddenly everything was  _ right _ and nothing could bother him. Except for the pain in his shin. “The fuck?”

“You were drifting again.” Eren bit off half of a so-called  _ French fry _ and scrunched his face up like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever put in his mouth. But he was a trooper. He swallowed it, though he looked like he was about to puke as he did so. “Yeah. Don’t eat the fries,” he choked out after downing half of one of those flimsy milk cartons they offered. “ _ Anyways.  _ I was trying to say that there’s a new donut place a couple blocks from my house and I thought we could go after school or something. Don’t wanna go straight home.”

Jean sighed. “You’re an idiot. Why would you even  _ try _ to eat one of those fries? Goddamn, dude.” 

Eren gave him a look. “Do you wanna go get some fucking donuts or not?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. He tried his best to bite back his joy. It wasn't a date. It wasn't a date. He had to remember that. It wasn't a date. Not yet. “Let’s go get some fucking donuts.”

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed when Annie got up from her seat. He had made sure to sit where he could see her. Every day in the middle of lunch period she got up and excused herself to the bathroom. She was one of the few who actually left the cafeteria during lunch; everyone else wanted to make the most of their free time. Good thing she didn't have any friends to talk to aside from a few nerds in her martial arts club. 

Everything was in place. He excused himself and headed off with a promise to be right back. This was why he couldn't be seen. A guy hanging around the girl’s bathroom wouldn't result in anything good. He positioned himself outside the entrance and waited for the sound of a stall door creaking open. The doors in that school were utter shit, really. And in the corner of the room was a mop and a full bucket of water, behind which was tucked a handy little screwdriver.

He hadn't, however, planned to hear her voice on the phone. There was a little chime followed by her saying, “What?” She didn't sound much different than Jean did when the Informant called at an inconvenient time. 

He practically held his breath to hear everything he could. “It's  _ Wednesday _ . Of course I haven't talked to him yet. I set it up for Friday.” Pause. “You can't remember anything, can you? You make yourself sound so  _ great _ but you can't even remember things like this.” She sighed. “Bert, he's my  _ only _ chance. Mikasa didn't really hang around anyone else and now she's  _ gone _ . She cared about him. If I don't get close to Eren we both know that I'm going to lose whatever I had with Mikasa.” Another pause, longer this time. “And what do  _ you _ know about it?” she snapped. “At least you know what happened to Reiner! I have no fucking idea what happened to Mikasa. I don't have anything else to go on. A part of her must still be with him and I'll be  _ damned _ if I let it slip away.”

Judging by the following silence, she had ended the call. If Jean was understanding things properly, Annie didn't give a singular fuck about Eren. She just wanted to be near him since Mikasa was near him. It made Jean sick. Well, at least he finally knew for sure that Annie really had been into Mikasa. Not that it took a genius to figure it out. 

Then there was his cue. The creaking, slamming, and locking of a door. He took a quick look around before darting into the bathroom. He went for the screwdriver first, carefully unscrewing the wire cover around the light switch. This was one of those moments that he was grateful for the absurd size of the pockets of men’s jeans. He removed the cover and slipped the screwdriver into his pocket as casually as if it was a cell phone. He flipped the light off. 

There was a loud groan and a mutter of, “Seriously?” Oh, if only she knew. 

Then came the fun part. Back over in the corner, he picked up the bucket of water and couldn't help but to smile. If this all went the way he wanted it to, poor little Annie wouldn't be leaving the bathroom alive. Poor little Annie picked the wrong stall: the one on the end of the row, the one Jean could stand outside of and have a perfect angle for the dumping of the bucket. 

The water went down with a splash and there was a bit of a shriek followed by a loud stream of curses. Jean didn't stick around to hear the whole thing. He put the bucket down and  _ bailed _ . 

Eren was patiently waiting for him back in the lunchroom. It was fine, he told himself. Even if this didn't work, well, there were other ways of getting rid of someone. Plenty of ways. This one just seemed like the most fun for someone like her. He couldn't beat her in a fight. He couldn't easily outsmart or blackmail her. And he had always been just a bit fascinated by electricity. 

Ah, the wonders of modern technology. What a time to be alive.

The most surprising thing about his choice of what to do with Annie was just how  _ long _ it took for anyone to find her. There was nothing all day, nothing at all. Not many people liked to use the bathroom that Annie frequented. They said that bathroom was haunted and, frankly, the people at that school were mostly cowards. Annie had never believed in any of that, as far as Jean was aware. That was more the kind of thing that the losers in the occult club would be worried about. 

He and Eren left school that afternoon without hearing anything about Annie, other than that she didn't come back to lunch and didn't show up for some classes. The general assumption was that she had decided to skip the rest of the day. Jean knew better. He was sure he had succeeded in his mission. 

He wouldn't have to worry about her ever again. All he had to worry about was not tripping and falling on his face while he walked. His nerves, his heartbeat, and his  _ emotions _ still ran wild around Eren. Staying around him so much had helped him to tame the exterior of his body--he no longer shook quite so much, his voice didn't crack on every other word--but that didn't mean that the inside of him wasn't still a wreck. It would never stop, he thought. He would never be able to stay entirely calm around Eren. He loved him too much. 

The sky was the perfect shade of orange when it was time for Eren to go back to his house. Wisps of gray clouds meandered up above them and, once in awhile, a stray bird would fly past and let out a cry. Eren smiled whenever he looked up to see one of those birds. He told Jean that he wished he could be that  _ free _ . “When I was a little kid I always used to wish that I could grow wings,” he said. “Wished that I could fly and leave my problems behind me. Still kinda do.” 

Jean gave him a look of sympathy. “I guess us humans weren't meant to have that kind of freedom.”

If it bothered Eren that Jean was walking him home, he didn't show it one bit. He just sighed and said, “I wonder if I was a bird once. My soul, you know? Like if some reincarnation stuff happened. If I was… I almost wish I could've stayed like that. Wings and freedom and no cares in the world. An easy life.”

“I bet you were.” Eren looked over and Jean continued, “It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. You're so… God, I dunno. You just seem like you would have been so free at one point. With everything that's been going on lately you seem, well, kind of like a bird in a cage, I guess.” He reached up and scratched behind his ear. Was that weird? Did he sound too awkward? He felt like he had made an utter fool of himself. 

Eren just  _ grinned _ and elbowed Jean. “You're a loser. But thank you. I think.”

Jean wasn't sure if he was happy or disappointed when Eren managed to sleep at his own house that night. 

 

Thursday

Eren yanked his chair back and threw himself into it. “You okay?” Jean asked. Eren looked fine; there weren't dark tired circles under his eyes, his movements weren't slow like they were when he hadn't slept. 

“Fucking  _ fantastic, _ ” he all but spat. “I'm having a great day! I was going to meet with Annie sometime next week. We hang out sometimes, y’know, and she teaches me some of her fighting moves and shit. Her and Mika were friends I guess and Mika convinced her to help me with fighting because she doesn’t want me to be just some weak kid in the art club or some shit. But no! Can't do that! Mika is fucking gone and I can’t even keep on doing something she wanted me to do. You wanna know why?”

“Well, yeah. What’s going on?” As if he didn’t already know.

“She's fucking  _ dead _ , Jean! Everyone I know is fucking  _ dying  _ and I don't know what to do.”

No surprise there. Satisfaction sparked inside his heart. It had actually  _ worked.  _ He had worried that maybe the voltage wouldn't be enough, maybe she wouldn't be touching the metal sink faucet, maybe she didn't touch any wires at all. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. Somehow, thank the heavens, everything had gone  _ right.  _ All of those worries passed through his head in a brief moment that he hoped was spent looking confused, not pleased. “Dead?  _ Annie?” _

“Annie. Dead.” Eren looked like he was about to cry. “I wasn't even that close to her, but… She was sort of close to Mika, y’know? And she's not a bad person. She had a  _ future.  _ And so did Mika, and so did Reiner even if he was a bit of a wreck, y’know? And they're all gone and it's starting to feel like everyone I know is fucking  _ dying _ and I'm… I don't know. I'm freaked out.”

“H-How did she go?” Jean asked as though he didn't know exactly what happened.  He had to seem concerned, after all. Had to seem like a regular person. A good person. 

“They think someone played a prank and it went wrong. Someone poured water on her. No big deal, right? Well, it ends up being a big deal when a wet hand meets electrical wires since someone took the  _ fucking _ cover off of the switch. Who  _ does _ that?” He kept opening and closing his fist as he spoke as though he had a stress reliever ball, whatever the hell those things were called. Jean made a mental note to get him a cute one. “Someone fucking killed her. They tried to be  _ funny _ or something and she fucking  _ died.  _ I'm scared, Jean. I'm scared.”

Jean reached out his hand. His heart skipped a beat when Eren took it. “It'll be okay. I mean, everything has to calm down soon. It'll be alright.”

“I really hope you're right.” Eren’s face scrunched up like he just bit straight into a whole lemon. “Ugh. I'm never fuckin’ sayin’ that again. I don't want you to be right. I'm the one who’s right.”

But Jean could tell that Eren was still nervous. That everything was really starting to get to him. That he was  _ hurting _ and it was all Jean’s fault. Jean put up a smile even though he had suddenly come face to face with the fact that he was something terrible. He had  _ become _ something terrible.  _ He _ was hurting Eren in his quest to keep him safe. He had to remember that the ends justified the means. He had to remember. 

_ The ends justify the means. The ends justify the means.  _

**_The ends justify the means._ **

  
  


_ Annie Leonhardt. _

_ Time of Death 12:34 P.M. / Cause of Death: Electrocution.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS WHOOPS
> 
> Well. This was fun. There's not gonna be much of a gap in timing between this chapter and the next because of some ~reasons.~ Chapter five is going to be just a regular chapter. Chapter six, though, is kind of like the grand finale of yandere-ness. I'm looking forward to chapter six. And seven is gonna be like an epilogue thing, so I don't imagine that'll be too long. I just have to start setting the stage now. I wonder if there are any hints this chapter about what's going to happen? Who knows? Who cares? I dunno.   
> But yeah! Next chapter should be up relatively soon. Since I'm getting close to ch. 6 and since I'm so excited to write it I'm sure I'll be working a little quicker to try to get to it as soon as I can. Hope you enjoy! ^^


	5. White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't kill this one. He can't. This time he decides to take a different path.

Friday

It was a struggle to get out of bed that morning. Killing Annie had been the  _ only  _ way he could have gotten rid of her, so why did he feel so bad all of a sudden? What had happened to the joy that coursed through his veins when he had destroyed Mikasa? He still felt pure adoration for Eren, of course he did. There was no way that his love would just  _ end.  _ Eren was too special. He still felt rage when he thought of someone else hurting him. So why did he hate himself so much?

Oh, right. Because he was doing the exact thing he was trying to keep other people from doing. Hurting Eren. Eren didn't know that it was Jean, bless his sweet soul, but that didn't change the fact that Eren was miserable. His sister had disappeared without a trace. Even if he had never been particularly close to Reiner--who Jean had since found out was into Eren simply because he thought he had a chance at getting  _ laid _ with him--the events leading up to his death were far from ordinary. They were enough to fuck with anyone. Jean had taken it too far with Reiner. He knew that now. 

And Annie. Eren was her last link to Mikasa. And Jean had killed her before she could get to Eren and hurt him somehow by dredging up memories of Mikasa. He had attacked when she was vulnerable and unsuspecting. He had attacked when she was completely off guard. 

He had attacked like a coward. 

He wasn't worthy of Eren. Nobody was. Not Eren's friends, not their classmates, not Jean. Nobody. Nobody was good enough for him. Eren deserved the very best. Jean was far from being that. All he was at that point was a cowardly murderer, someone who was slowly taking everyone away from Eren just because of his own selfish desires. 

He couldn't convince himself that the ends justified the means. Not that day. He couldn't. They didn't. The ends didn't justify the means, not anymore. Maybe they never had. Not if it made Eren upset. 

Jean got to class before Eren did, despite how long it took him to get up and out the door that morning. He sat down and stared up at the ceiling while his thoughts swirled through his head faster than he would organize them. Something had to change. He couldn't kill everyone. That was ridiculous. He had to do something else. 

“Hey, Jean?” a kind, sweet voice asked. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Jean looked away from his fascinating view of the ceiling. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever. What is it?”

Armin’s hands were clasped tightly in front of him. “It's about Eren.”

That got his attention. “What about Eren?”

“Well,” Armin said with a small sigh. “I noticed you guys have been hanging out lately. That's really nice, actually. He's… Well, you know him. He isn't exactly easy to make friends with. He won't talk to me about Mikasa. He won't talk to anyone about it, really, so I'm glad that he has you now. He seems happier after he’s been around you.” Armin paused and looked around awkwardly before he continued. “That being said, I was wondering if you could find something out for me.”

Whatever ease Jean had felt while Armin told him that he was  _ helping _ Eren and not just constantly hurting him disappeared in an instant. “That depends. What do you want to know?”

“Before Mikasa disappeared, Eren told me that there was sort of… someone. Some guy that he was kind of into.” It was a miracle that Armin hasn't chewed off his bottom lip yet. “I was wondering if you could find out if it was me.”

Jean held back a snort. “Do you like him?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know.” He shook his head. “Look, it's really complicated. Lately I've had this  _ feeling _ , you know what I mean? It's hard to explain, but I feel like  _ someone _ around here has been thinking about me. I-Is that weird?”

Oh,  _ fuck.  _ An idea came straight up and punched Jean in the jaw. He didn't have to kill Armin. No, if Eren  _ lost _ Armin as well as Mikasa it might actually kill him. No, no. It would make Eren  _ happy  _ if he saw his childhood friend happy. Jean had heard the stories. Armin was never a strong kid. Eren had defended him so many times it was absurd. Hell, Armin didn't even seem to know what his heart was telling him. He was confused. He was confused and he wanted to be loved. Wanted  _ to _ love. 

It was perfect. 

“Don't tell him I said this, but Marco has a bit of a crush on you,” Jean said before he had fully thought it out. 

Armin looked taken aback. “Marco? Really?”

Jean nodded. It was best to roll with it. He was already in too far deep. “Yeah. He told me a couple days ago. But he asked me not to say anything, so  _ don't  _ tell him I told you.” He shrugged. “I hate to be a bad friend to him, but… I thought you deserve to know.”

Jean didn't expect Armin to actually start  _ smiling.  _ “Marco, huh? He's such a sweet guy. M-Maybe I should talk to him a bit more? See what happens?”

“That would be great,” Jean encouraged. “He’d be thrilled to sit down and talk with you. He seemed really excited when he told me. I'm sure you guys can work something out.”

“Thank you, Jean.”

“It's no trouble. Really.” Jean smiled, partly to seem supportive and partly because he was starting to understand just what to do about this whole situation. “You guys will do great. You just gotta take that first step.”

Armin returned the smile tenfold. “I will. I will.”

Well, there was something new that Jean had to deal with. As Armin walked back to his desk Jean tried to think of the best time to get Marco alone. Armin thought that Marco liked him. If Marco thought that Armin liked him then it would all balance out. He just had to pull Marco aside and shove that idea into his head. No big deal. He had faced harder challenges. And even if it all fell through, Armin would have been perfectly distracted for a decent amount of time. As long as he wasn't thinking about trying to claim Eren then there wasn't going to be a problem. 

He could live. Jean would let him live, if only to prove to himself that he hadn't entirely turned into a monster. Not that he was sane to begin with, really, but that was beside the point. He had known for a long time that he wasn’t  _ normal. _ Not sane. But not a monster. Not yet. Everything was going to be okay this time. Everything was going to be fine.

Marco was the kind of person who kept to a schedule and Jean knew that. He had been paired with him in Ms. Langnar’s literature class and in the week they spent working together Jean had found out that, despite the fact that he was fairly sure he was one of the most organized people he knew, Marco was even more so. Marco had daily schedules and plans and no matter  _ what _ happened he  _ always _ managed to finish things on time. It pissed Jean off. Nobody should have had that kind of self-discipline. Or brain power, for that matter. 

Eventually the rest of the class filed in and Hanji made her grand entrance as usual. Aside from his regular thoughts about how Eren was  _ right there  _ and his musings about what their life together would be like, he was desperately digging through his memories to see if he could remember if there were any times that he could get Marco alone to plant that idea in his head. That class period seemed to be over as soon as it began, as did the next. And still Jean couldn't remember ever seeing anything about taking a break on Marco’s schedule when he had been able to get a look that time. Maybe he didn't take breaks. Maybe he spent every waking hour keeping himself busy. If that was the case, things were going to get just a little bit difficult to Jean. He was actually considering sending a text to his Informant to ask if he knew anything about when he could speak to Marco in private.

The fact that he wanted to reach out to that maniac first was proof enough that he was in too deep. He thought about coming up with a different plan. He had seen a story on the news once, a few years ago, where it had been discovered that a student pushed another off the school roof and disguised it as a suicide. He could always do that. Armin wasn't exactly  _ strong.  _ It wasn't like he would put up too much of a fight. 

He wondered what things would have been like if he hadn't answered his phone that day. If he had hung up on that man instead of listening to him. It bothered him each and every day that he didn't know who that voice on the other end of the call was. It bothered him even more that he would probably never know. The voice was clearly that of someone much older than the average high school student. A middle-aged voice for sure, but not one that matched any of the teachers there. Or the counsellors. Or the janitors. Nobody. He had no idea who it was. He hated it. 

Hated everything. Everything and everyone other than Eren. 

Third period rolled around. There was nothing like being forced to run around the gymnasium for five minutes every single day, followed closely by some kind of sport or a period of free activity if it was a good day. It was a sports day. Of course. Whoever decided that getting a bunch of teenagers in a room and letting them toss balls around  _ clearly _ had no idea what teenagers were like. They were idiots, not sportstars. A few of them could probably pass for stars, sure, but as a whole… Well, it was probably better to make them run the whole period instead letting them throw shit at each other. 

That was how Marco ended up with a basketball to the face. It wasn't pretty. Eren had gym in a different period, thank god. If Eren had been there, Jean didn't think he'd be able to tear himself out of the room to walk Marco to the nurse’s office. Kids always had to go in pairs to the nurse’s office. It was a bit obnoxious, but…

Marco had a wad of tissues pressed against his nose as they walked. Jean figured it was now or never. 

“Hey, do you have a crush on anyone right now?”

“Not really.” Marco’s voice sounded absolutely  _ horrible _ . Having a nose full of blood did that. “Why?”

Jean shrugged. “I know you've got better things to worry about right now,” he said, motioning towards the tissues that were slowly being soaked in blood, “bujt I figured it was only fair of me to let you know that someone likes  _ you.” _

Marco paused. Despite his having to breathe through his mouth and needing to get that dealt with, he stopped walking. “What? Who?”

“You might not believe this, but, well, I heard that Armin is pretty into you, so. There's that? I guess.”

“Really?”

“That's what I heard.” Jean kept walking, more or less forcing Marco to keep up with him. He had said all he needed to say. He planted the idea. That was all that mattered. He had to hope the rest would work itself out. If it didn't, well, how hard could it be to tip the scales a bit?

He held the door for Marco when they got to the nurse’s office. Ms. Ral was sitting at her overly cluttered desk as usual, tapping away at the keyboard of her computer. She looked up with a smile that quickly fell when she saw the mess of bloody tissue Marco held. 

She jumped up and ushered Marco to the little bed in the corner of the room, asking worried questions the whole time. “What happened? Do you feel anything out of the ordinary in your head? About where did you get hit?”

Petra Ral wasn't a pushover. Jean had seen firsthand the way she could stand up to her superiors when she needed to. He had heard story after story about how troublesome kids came into the office and she wasn't afraid to do what she had to do in order to give them better treatment than just slapping a bandaid on their arm and sending them off. She was the best possible nurse they could have gotten. 

Except for her crush on Mr. Ackerman. There was something about that man that made Jean wary. He didn't seem like a trustworthy person. He was a fox of a man, tricksy and cunning, sly and devious. The man taught psychology as an elective, for fuck’s sake. He knew how the minds of people worked. Jean was willing to bet that if anyone in that school knew how to twist people’s minds and bend their wills to match his own, it was Levi Ackerman. That man was a demon.

A demon that he had a class with, unfortunately. Marco was all patched up thanks to Ms. Ral and the two were sent on their way to go to lunch. After lunch was Jean’s psychology class. His class with Mr. Ackerman. He had started to dread going to that class. It wasn't that he didn't like learning psychology, it was just that he didn't like the teacher. Not one bit. He wouldn't trust that man with a fucking goldfish. 

Jean’s heart nearly pounded straight out of his chest and all of his worries about his demon-fox of a teacher melted away when Eren waved him over from across the room. Eren  _ wanted _ Jean to sit with him. He really, genuinely wanted to be around Jean and there was nothing more satisfying. Eren liked him. Eren wanted him around. Eren wanted to be  _ near _ him and  _ close  _ to him and everything was  _ perfect _ in that moment. 

But Eren was distracted. He kept looking over to another table, letting the conversation drop every couple of minutes. Jean bit his tongue to keep from lashing out. He wasn't  _ mad _ at Eren, not really. Just concerned. He would add another person to his list of enemies if he had to. 

Before he got around to doing that, though, Eren shook his head and looked back to Jean. “I didn't know Armin and Marco were really friends.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “You were trying to eavesdrop, weren't you? From three tables away?”

“Look, it was worth a shot.” He shrugged. Took a drink. Made Jean want to tell him right then and there that he was completely and utterly in love with him. But he couldn't. There were a lot of things Jean could do, but confessing wasn't one of them. It wasn't time yet. “I dunno. Just a bit surprised to see them hanging out so closely all of a sudden.”

Jean spared a glance in their direction. Sure enough, they were sitting next to each other and chatting away. And laughing together. That was always a good sign. He sent a silent prayer to every god he would think of to  _ please please let them end up together keep them both out of my way please-- _

“My mom is okay with me staying the weekend at your house, if you don't mind,” Eren interjected. Jean didn't mind in the least that his little prayer was interrupted, just because it was Eren. He would have been mad as hell if it was anyone else. “I mean, it's fine if you have other plans and don't want me constantly eating all your food, but…” 

Jean rolled his eyes. “I told you that you're always welcome. I don’t make empty promises. Come on over.”

Eren nodded and said, “I’ll bring a movie or two. Maybe something scary. Do you mind? I’ve felt like watching some horror movies lately but my parents aren’t into them. And, y’know, Mikasa is… Well. Y’know.”

“Yeah. I know.” He paused to let those words sink in, having said the words in the perfect tone for Eren to know that he had support. Hopefully Eren couldn’t see any kind of joy on Jean’s face; he didn’t care anything about Mikasa being gone. All he cared about was Eren coming to stay an entire weekend with him. “It’s cool if you wanna bring some movies, though. I’m happy to watch whatever you want. I’ve got thick skin.”

“Alright,” Eren said, “but know that I take horror seriously. I’m not gonna bring any weak shit. Your thick skin might not be enough. Ten bucks you start screaming halfway through the first movie.” There was a wicked grin on his face and a gleam in his eyes, like a little competition was the best thing to get his mind off of what he had just said about Mikasa being gone. Like he thought he could actually  _ win _ a bet about horror movies with Jean. Sweet, innocent Eren had no idea that Jean’s only  _ fear _ was the idea of losing him. “Unless you don’t think you can actually get through it without losing your shit.”

Jean scoffed. “You’re on. Shitty horror movies never scared me.” He held his hand out. “But I want better stakes than ten bucks. Whoever wins gets to dare the other one to do something stupid, alright? I’ve got some dumb shit in the fridge we could mix up and try to drink.”

Eren didn’t hesitate to grab Jean’s hand and shake on it. “Deal.”

 

Saturday

It was half-past ten that morning when the ringing of the doorbell echoed through Jean’s house. He had been up late trying to make sure that the house was in perfect order, making extra sure that he had plenty of food that was basically made of pure sugar since Eren was seemingly still a child when it came to sweets, making sure that he looked his very best. This wasn’t the first time Eren had stayed, sure, but this time felt different. Their relationship was different. His need to impress Eren hadn’t lessened, no, not at all. 

Eren was in reach. Eren was close to him and wanted to be around him and slowly but surely Jean was getting rid of all of his competition and Eren would want  _ him. _ Everything had to be perfect if things were going to end perfectly.

He opened the door and smiled when he saw Eren standing there with his backpack stuffed full for their weekend together. He was so fucking  _ perfect.  _ There was no one else on Earth that could ever be more beautiful than Eren was. No one.

“I brought some good shit,” Eren said as he stepped inside and kicked his shoes off. “Got some classics and a couple modern ones. I'll let you tell me if you've seen any of ‘em so we can leave those for later. I'm ready for you to lose the bet.”

“Fuck you.” It seemed a bit of a waste to spend all day inside watching movies when the weather was so nice, but he closed the door and followed Eren to where he dropped his stuff in the living room and started digging through his backpack. “Do you want anything to eat while I'm up?”

Eren looked up from the growing pile of his clothes on the floor. “You better have gotten popcorn for the movies. The really buttery kind, too. Otherwise we’re gonna have to go to the store.” 

Jean rolled his eyes. “Yes, I have your microwave diabetes.”

“Good. Make a couple bags, would you?”

“Yeah, yeah. But it's not my fault if you have a fucking heart attack.”

“Thank you,” he replied in a singsong kind of voice. A kind of voice that made Jean want to go over and kiss him right then and there but he still  _ couldn't.  _

When he went back to the living room with a large bowl he had put two full bags into, Eren was sitting and looking at his phone with a big smile on his face. He looked up when Jean put the bowl down in front of him, next to an obnoxiously large pile of movies. He hadn't expected  _ that  _ many. Good thing his mom wasn't there to tell him to do to bed before he was ready.

Eren held his phone up. On the screen was a picture of Armin and Marco. “Isn't this nice?” Eren said. “They're hanging out at the mall today. I'm glad, y’know. Armin doesn't usually go  _ outside.  _ He goes to his room. And reads. All the time. I mean, not that that’s  _ bad _ or anything, but he needs to get out more often.”

Oh thank  _ fuck.  _ They were getting along. It was working out. They wouldn't bother him and Eren. Not today. Today was going to be about him and Eren and movies and, hopefully, a bit of close contact while sitting on the couch together. That would be  _ spectacular.  _

Jean plopped down on the couch. “Yeah. Marco needs more people to go out with, too.” He smiled, albeit mostly just in the act of pretending that he cared. “So, what’d you bring to try to scare me?”

Eren held up a copy of  _ The Birds  _ and grinned. “Told you I brought some of the classics. Hope you aren't scared of birds.”

“Birds?  _ Seriously?  _ Who the fuck is scared of birds?”

“You might be by the time we’re done here. Movie’s fucked up.”

As if. Jean had never feared anything all his life, not until he met Eren. And then he only had one fear: losing him. Some fictional  _ birds _ weren't going to scare him. For fuck’s sake, Jean and his mother always went to the bird feeding when they went to zoo together back when Jean was younger. He was physically incapable of feeling fear of  _ birds.  _ He had had birds on his arms, on his shoulders, on his head. He had felt their little talons digging into his skin and their beaks pecking at the top of his head so he’d feed those guys too. No, a movie about birds wouldn't scare him one bit. 

At least, that was what he had thought. An ancient movie about a bunch of birds was just what it sounded like. An ancient movie about a bunch of birds. No big deal. Really, it wasn't even the birds that got to him. The atmosphere was tense. Knowing that something could happen at any moment and not knowing what it could be set him on edge. The birds were  _ nothing.  _ What scared him was when Eren jumped at him from the opposite end of the couch in the middle of a buildup. 

Eren leaped at him and Jean let out a  _ very _ unmanly shriek and Eren nearly collapsed laughing and Jean was more embarrassed than he ever thought possible. “Okay, you know what?  _ Fuck _ you,” Jean practically hissed. He regretted it instantly, of course.

Not that Eren seemed to care. The movie went on completely forgotten as Eren clutched at his stomach while he laughed. Jean was pretty sure he saw some tears, too. What a jerk. A sweet, loveable jerk that he suddenly felt the urge to fight. It was a strange feeling and he wasn't sure if it meant that Eren was helping him to be more like a normal person or if he had finally gone over the edge. Emotions were so fucking  _ confusing.  _ Life had been easier when he didn't have any. 

“Y-You should have  _ seen _ your face!” Eren managed to get out in between gasps for breath. “I fucking wish I had taken a video of that!”

Jean reached over and shoved Eren’s shoulder. “Fuckin’ asshole,” he muttered. “This doesn't mean I lost any bets.  _ You  _ scared me, not the movie. Don't get cocky.”

“Pfffff. I know.” Piece by piece Eren pulled himself back together until he wasn't laughing so hard that no noise came out. “I just wanted to scare you. I figured the movie wouldn't do it.”

“You led me to believe that this was going to be a lot scarier than it was. Told you I wasn't scared of any fuckin’ birds.”

Eren shrugged in a highly exaggerated manner. “It's never the birds. It's always waiting for the right moment to jump at someone.”

Jean groaned. “This isn't the first time you've done that to someone, is it? Who  _ else  _ have you tortured?”

“Everyone I've ever watched this movie with, so… A few?”

“I can't believe I never realized what a fucking  _ ass  _ you are.”

“You aren't exactly an  _ angel.  _ You don't fool me with that stupid nice guy act.” Jean practically froze when Eren said that. How much did Eren know? Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck.  _ His worries were dispelled when Eren returned the shove Jean had given him earlier. “You're an ass too and don't even  _ try  _ to tell me that you're not. You're fuckin’ stubborn and pretentious and, frankly, sometimes I  _ really  _ just wanna punch you in your damn horseface.”

“Oh, yeah, like I haven't heard  _ that _ one before,” Jean huffed. “At least  _ I  _ can reach the top shelf.”

“Okay, you know what? I am  _ not  _ that much shorter than you are and I could still kick your ass regardless of which shelves I can or cannot reach.”

“Suuuure.” Jean couldn't resist the urge to drag that word out in the most sarcastic way possible. Bickering back and forth like that felt… nice. It felt really nice. It was comfortable. Like he and Eren had always been destined to want to fight each other at any given moment.

Like they were always meant to be. 

 

Sunday

They acted like children that night and made a fort in the living room. Despite Eren’s big talk about how horror movies didn't scare him anymore, he was reluctant to walk through the dark house to get to an actual bed. Jean left him in the living room with all the lights on while he went to get some pillows and a couple blankets.  

All of the cushions were off of the couch and their two armchairs by the time Jean got back. Eren had arranged them like walls. So, like any good person would do, he left the pillows with Eren so he could arrange them how he wanted while Jean went to get some more blankets. 

The fort wasn't exactly spacious. Jean woke up first in the morning, naturally. He woke up to find Eren all curled up next to him. He was still sound asleep and  _ god fucking damn it _ he looked so cute that Jean could hardly stand it.

Not that he was complaining. A soft smile took its place on his face and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and running his fingers through Eren’s hair. Eren let out a tiny little sigh and scooted a bit closer. For a brief moment, everything was perfect. 

Then Jean’s phone vibrated. He tore his gaze away from Eren and checked the screen to find a text from the  _ last _ person he wanted to talk to right then. The Informant. Of course. 

_ Didn't want to kill him, I see.  _

Jean stifled an irritated groan and wrote out a short reply.  _ No. I didn't need to.  _

Hardly any time at all passed before another message came in.  _ It would have been easier to kill him, you know. But I have to give you some credit. I wouldn't have thought to try to pair him off with someone else.  _

Eren’s head moved to rest on Jean’s shoulder.  _ It was a logical choice to make. Losing Armin would only make Eren more upset. _

Jean could practically hear the Informant laughing.  _ So nice that you’re worrying about his sanity now.  _

_ I'm assuming you didn't know that Armin thought anything about Eren.  _ Jean tried to keep his breath as steady as he could while he typed. If he ever found out just who the Informant was, he was going to kill him. Gladly. 

_ I didn't, actually. I never heard anything about it. I do know something you won’t be happy to hear, though.  _

Suddenly he understood what people meant when they said that their heart sank.  _ What do you know? _

Two excruciating minutes passed before he got a reply.  _ The good news is that I doubt you'll have anyone else to worry about after this next person. The bad news is that this person is the worst possible person for you to be put up against. He's stronger than you. He's smarter than you. Aside from that, there's the fact that he’s just like you.  _

His hand shook as he tapped out what was typically an easy message to send.  _ What do you mean? _

Another minute passed before the brief explanation.  _ He can and will kill for Eren’s love.  _

And no matter how many messages Jean sent, the Informant wouldn't answer any more questions. He was completely silent, leaving Jean to let utter panic build in his chest as he tried to figure out what was going on. He wasn't really surprised that there was someone else in the world who saw how wonderful Eren was, how he was the type of person to kill for. No, he was more panicked because that someone was  _ close _ and was probably going to make a move soon. After all, one student going missing and two  _ dying  _ one after the other was enough to make anyone nervous. 

Maybe whoever it was wanted to take their chance before anything could happen to Eren. Only the Informant knew that Jean was behind the recent mess. Only the Informant knew that he was doing it, all of it, for Eren. Whoever it was couldn't know that people were dying to protect Eren. Whoever it was didn't know that Eren was already spoken for. Nobody else could have him.

Nobody. 

He tossed his phone off to the side and sighed heavily. What was he going to do? There was an angel of a boy fast asleep next to him, an angel whose beautiful white wings would be torn apart if anyone else got ahold of him. They wouldn't be able to  _ appreciate  _ him. They would wear him down and destroy him. They’d shoot down his dreams and tell him about all the things he couldn't do, not the things he could. The world had a bad habit of destroying good things. 

Eren didn't move away from Jean when he opened his eyes. “Morning,” he said sleepily. 

Now, Jean wasn't going to  _ complain _ about Eren being  _ so damn close _ . No, he wasn't going to complain at  _ all.  _ He would, however, make the statement, “I didn't think you'd be so calm about this when you woke up.”

“I trust you.” Eren yawned. “And you're really warm. That's always nice.”

And just like that, Jean forgot his troubles. He left them behind as he took another leap of faith. The words the Informant had said and the knowledge of some kind of killer rival disappeared as he rolled to face Eren and pulled him close. There wasn't a worry in his heart when Eren grabbed at his shirt and adjusted himself in Jean’s arms. 

Everything was perfect again. 

Everything was perfect that day. They stayed like that until their stomachs said that it was time to get up and eat and they sat side by side as they continued their horror movie marathon and they were just  _ together  _ and it was  _ heavenly.  _

It was an irritation when Eren’s phone went off in the middle of a good part of the movie. It was an irritation that someone was taking Eren away from Jean by sending him a stupid fucking  _ text message.  _ It was an irritation that Eren said it was from Armin. 

It wasn't an irritation when Eren’s face lit up and he was all excited as he told Jean, “Armin says he's gonna go out on a date with Marco today! Isn't that great?”

No, that was far from being an irritation. It was a relief. “Yeah,” he agreed, “it's great. Tell him I said congratulations. Marco’s a good guy, y’know.”

Eren grew quiet after that. Too quiet. Jean kept waiting and waiting for Eren to tell him what was running through his head, why he seemed so  _ dejected _ all of a sudden, but he showed no signs of opening up.

Jean decided to take matters into his own hands. “You okay over there?” he asked once the silence between them had become unbearable. “I'm gonna go to sleep if I don't have your movie commentary to keep me interested.”

“Just thinkin’ about stuff,” Eren replied. “Thinkin’ ‘bout a couple things. I'm thinking that Mikasa would be really happy to see little Armin going off on  _ dates  _ and shit.”

“What's the other thing?”

It took Eren a long time to answer. When he finally did, all he said was, “Something I want to try. I-It’s kinda stupid, though. Probably wouldn't end well.”

“I hate to be a walking cliché, but--”

“Yeah, yeah. Never know until you try, right?”

“Exactly.” Jean hadn’t been completely sure that slowly eliminating a bunch of high school kids was going to help him very much before he had done it and now look where he was. His enemies were getting to be fewer and fewer. He was getting closer and closer to the love of his life. “You should try. Unless it's something  _ insane.  _ More so than usual, anyways.”

Eren shot him a look. “Don't be a dick. I'm serious.”

Jean grinned. “So am I. Thought you Germans just charged headfirst into shit.”

“Thought you French spent all your time eating bread and going ‘ _ hon hon oui oui baguette _ .’”

“You don't know what I do in my spare time.”

Eren laughed at that. “I would pay money to see you actually do that.”

“How much we talkin’ about?” He got a shove in response. He took that shove as a sign that the mood had lightened a bit, leading him to continue on with the conversation. “Seriously. What is it that you want to do? I know you. You can do  _ anything _ that you set your mind to. Even the stupid shit.”

Eren sighed and scratched at the back of his head like he was nervous. “It'd be easier to show you than it would be to explain.”

“Go on, then. Go for it.”

“You have to promise not to freak out.”

Jean closed his hand into a fist, leaving only his pinky finger extended. “I pinky promise you that I won't freak out.” Happiness surged through him when Eren accepted that promise. 

Eren did something then that Jean hadn't expected. He wasn't quite sure what he had expected, really, but he hadn't thought that Eren would suddenly lean in and  _ actually kiss him.  _

Eren wasn't quite sure what he had thought was going to happen either, but he certainly hadn't expected for Jean to kiss back.

Everything was perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These things always take longer than I want for them to. Whoops.  
> But yeah! Here we are. Chapter five is finally done and I'm on to chapter six! I've been looking forward to chapter six ever since I started writing this stupid fic, so I'm gonna have a lot of fun with that one and I hope everyone likes it when I get to it. Well, I think it's better to say that I hope some people like it because there could very well be people who would want to fucking punch me in the face. Which is fine, I guess. Whatever. Not my problem if people don't like what I end up writing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Aaaaanyways. We're almost to the end! Look forward to it! <3


	6. Gold; part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's life has changed, thanks to a combination of shitty circumstances and a person to lean on. This time he can't help but think it's his turn to be the pillar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO: The formatting I was going for with chapter six being the last chapter and seven being like an epilogue flew out the fuckin' window as soon as I started writing this one. I had a better idea. A slightly more evil idea. Sorry about that. (Hah. jk. not sorry.)  
> This chapter will follow Eren rather than Jean, but we'll be right back to him for chapter seven. It's also a tad on the short side, but I'm used to writing following Jean so it just kinda. Happened. This weird format shit will all make sense soon I promise just pls hang in there while I work on it!! Chapter seven is underway so hopefully everything will be resolved soon! ^w^

Monday

“You could have told me,” Armin said. “You had me worried sick trying to figure out who you kept talking about.”

Eren shrugged and readjusted his backpack. “It would've been weird if I suddenly said that I was interested the hipster horse.”

Armin shook his head with a sigh. “That's not nice. I don't think he's a hipster.”

“Ah, but you don't deny the horse part,” Eren pointed out. He looked over long enough to see Armin roll his eyes. “Besides. I wasn't even sure if he was  _ worth  _ it. I didn't really know him a few weeks ago.”

“Still,” Armin insisted, “you could have at least told me you were thinking about it. Me and Mikasa would have helped you out.”

Eren gave him a look. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Mikasa would castrate him the moment she found out and then skin him alive if he touched me.”

“You're exaggerating. She wouldn't do that.”

“You didn't  _ live _ with her. She would’ve done some crazy shit for me.” Eren surprised himself when he didn't feel remorse at referring to Mikasa in the past tense. It had been weeks and nobody had seen any sign of her anywhere. It wasn't a matter of finding  _ her _ anymore. Now it was a matter of finding her  _ body _ and getting that closure. Maybe he was finally coming to terms with the fact that she was gone. 

It sucked. It was the  _ worst.  _ They hadn't lived together that long, really, but they had known each other forever. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa had been practically inseparable since first grade. Losing Mikasa had almost been too much to take. 

He could work through it now. He had basically shut down for three days when she first went missing, forcing himself into a state of isolation. As much as it sucked to admit it, he was indebted to Jean. Jean had been there to offer a hand and pull Eren out of that pit of misery one inch at a time. And then Eren could talk to Armin again. He could focus again in class. He looked  _ forward _ to going to school instead of dreading it because he knew that Jean would be there. 

Mikasa had always said she wanted Eren to find someone that suited him. Someone that he could trust and talk to and joke with and have a comfortable silence with. Sure, she probably hadn't meant someone like  _ Jean,  _ but he had to believe that she would have eventually grown to like him. She was his family, the best family he had. His parents meant well, sure, but… they tended to fall just a little bit short. He could live without their constant approval. Mikasa would have understood, though. Of course she would have been supportive. She was one of the least obnoxious people he knew.

Not that it took much to rank among the least obnoxious. The vast majority of the people he knew were obnoxious. It was starting to get irritating. Although, sometimes he got the feeling that Jean would be willing to wipe those people out if Eren asked him to. He wasn’t entirely opposed to that idea, really. There was a person or two he could stand to live without.

Ugh. God, that was fucking morbid. Maybe people dying was starting to rub off on him and he was going crazy. 

He would have given anything to be able to tell Mikasa that he found someone. That Armin was still around was a fucking  _ blessing.  _ Eren had never been a particularly religious person, but he found himself praying to every god he could think of to keep Armin safe. He had already lost his sister. He couldn't lose his best friend, too. 

Thank the stars that he wasn't all alone. Even if Mikasa was gone and even if someone had fucked with Reiner and even if someone had played a deadly prank on Annie, things were starting to look up. He had hope that the worst of it was behind him. There was nowhere to go but up, right? The darkness had to have passed. 

When he got into class and saw Jean sitting there waiting for him, he was certain. Everything was going to get better. He was on his way out. 

He was happy. 

Jean wasn't. He smiled when Eren sat down and they talked until Hanji got in, but he could tell. They had spent so much time together recently that Eren could just  _ tell _ that something was wrong. Something was bothering Jean and he could feel his discomfort. Not being able to really sit down and talk about it until lunch was the worst part. 

Well, he had wanted to talk about it at lunch. But Jean pulled out his phone and was looking at  _ something  _ with a concentrated expression and Eren didn't want to interrupt in case it was something important. After all, Jean  _ was  _ living on his own until his mom came back from wherever the hell she was. Eren comforted himself by insisting that Jean was probably looking at lame adult stuff. He wouldn't just let Eren kiss him and then  _ ignore _ him. Jean was an ass, sure, but he couldn't possibly be that much of an ass. If he was, it seemed Eren needed to seriously rethink his life choices.

“I'm sorry,” Jean said as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. “There's a lot going on all of a sudden. If I have to listen to Mr. Ackerman talk about the psychology of color again I'm gonna lose my fuckin’ mind. Actually, I think he's gonna make me lose my mind anyways.”

Eren scoffed. “I'm getting the feeling that you don't like him.”

“I certainly wouldn't cry at his funeral, that's for sure.”

“Damn. That's harsh.”

“Don't tell me that you  _ would _ cry at his funeral.”

“Maybe not.” Eren shrugged. “He's not the best teacher in the world, but you gotta admit that there's a lot of ones worse than he is.” He saw the irritated set of Jean’s jaw. He saw Jean’s eyes flit away like he didn't want to talk about Mr. Ackerman being a  _ good _ guy. “Hey. Did something happen?” he asked. “Did he do something to you?”

Jean let out a long sigh. “Not yet. I just don't get good vibes from him. There's something wrong with him and I just  _ know _ it. I don't trust him. He's up to something.”

He got a death glare as a response when he started laughing. “Dude, the fuck is he gonna do? He's ancient. I bet he can't get outta bed without help.”

“He's your dad’s age.”

“Yeah, and my dad is  _ ancient.  _ I live with a dinosaur.”

Truth be told, Eren had never particularly thought that his parents were old compared to some other people thought of their folks. Neither of them had arthritis yet, so how old could they be? But Jean smiled. He smiled despite himself and agreed that Mr. Ackerman was, in fact, ancient. He also said that he had a shitty fucking haircut, which was very true. 

Nobody would say it when he was in the immediate vicinity, but his hair was practically a school wide joke at that point. The biggest opponents of making fun of it were mostly freshmen, particularly the girls. Eren didn’t understand it. What was the big deal with an old man who had a shitty haircut and was shorter than most of his students?

Whatever. That guy was a brick wall anyways and people always figured out eventually that they weren't going to get anything out of him. No harm, no foul. 

Despite the fact that Jean had been relatively cheered up by shittalking his teacher, the strange aura around him refused to disperse. Something about Mr. Ackerman was really bothering him. 

Eren was determined to find out what. 

 

Tuesday

Nothing. There was absolutely  _ nothing  _ incriminating to be found on the Internet. Eren stayed up half the night searching through as many records and social media pages he could find and there wasn't a shred of evidence that Mr. Ackerman was someone to be worried about. The look on Jean’s face hadn't been a lie, though. Something  _ was _ happening and he  _ was _ going to find out what.

He was vaguely acquainted with the person Jean sat next to in psychology, so he did what he figured he had to do. He bribed the kid to keep an eye on Jean and Mr. Ackerman to see if there was anything strange going on. It was the only thing he could do. Jean clearly didn't want to share any details that he didn't have to. 

Focusing on his classes that day was a pain in the ass. All he wanted was to know what was going on. Did Jean not understand that after everything, Eren was going to be there for him? Jean had been there when Eren needed him but he didn't seem to know that it went both ways. 

A new problem arose with that realization. Jean didn't understand. He thought that he had to be there for Eren but Eren didn't have to be there for him, that he had to deal with all of his problems on his own. What the fuck kind of relationships had he been in before they met? Who had gotten it into his head that he had to support people but never ask for support in return? How had he gotten to a point where he was scared to ask for help? Eren knew. He  _ knew _ that Jean needed help but he wouldn't say what he needed help with and it was driving Eren absolutely  _ insane.  _

Jean had a bad habit of drifting off while they ate lunch. It wasn't unusual for him to pull back into himself. It was, however, unusual for him to not come back out when Eren kicked at his shin. His suspicions were only supported when the kid he had bribed told him at the end of the school day that Jean had looked  _ different _ when Mr. Ackerman passed by. Scared, angry, intimidated; dumbass kid wasn't sure what it was. But it was out of the ordinary. Jean didn't usually give a fuck about any of his teachers and suddenly  _ this one in particular  _ was scaring him? 

Even Jean’s texts sounded different. They were too distant, too short. Like he was distracted by something even though he had told Eren he never really had much going on. 

Eren felt sick when he went to bed that night. 

 

Wednesday

Jean wasn't at school. He didn't answer Eren’s texts. 

Something was very wrong.

 

Thursday

Jean looked exhausted when he walked into class. He slouched in his chair and rubbed his eyes and yawned in a way Eren hadn't seen him yawn before. Openly, uncaring, and very loudly. “Are you okay?” Eren asked almost immediately. He had had to wrap his head around Jean’s change before he could get any words out. 

Jean sighed. “Tired. Really tired. I'm sorry I didn't show up yesterday. I just… I just needed a day, y’know? I'll be fine.”

It took all of Eren’s self control to keep from standing up and screaming how  _ bullshit _ that was. “I'm here if you need to talk,” he said instead. “You aren't alone, Jean. You've been different these past few days. I'm worried about you. You don't have to face everything by yourself. I'll  _ help  _ you.”

Jean gave him a small smile and said, “Thank you. But this really is something I have to deal with by myself.”

Hanji walked in before Eren could question him. 

He did something that day that he didn't usually do. Now, Eren had never been the type of student who felt like giving one hundred percent all the time, so it wasn't exactly  _ difficult _ for him to excuse himself to the bathroom just so he could sneak over to the psychology room to see what was going on in there. It was just a bit out of the ordinary. Just a bit. 

Thank fuck for those shitty classroom doors with the windows in them. That part of the school wasn't exactly a picture perfect spot where all the classrooms had windows looking both outside and towards the hallway. He peeked in held his breath. His eyes found Jean’s desk easily enough. Jean seemed to be doing alright, sitting there taking notes like the dutiful student he was. Mr. Ackerman was up at the front of the class, droning on and on about something that Eren wasn’t even going to pretend to understand from the bits and pieces he could hear. He jumped in time with most of the class when Mr. Ackerman slammed his fist down on his desk and asked who could explain some of the reasoning behind the intense emotions caused from the bonds of love. It was strange, Eren thought. That guy never gave a shit about anything. He had heard from several students that he didn’t even seem that interested in his own teachings most of the time, and yet there he was, looking like he was legitimately invested in what he was talking about. 

He pointed at Jean. Eren’s ears strained to hear what he said. “Kirstein. Explain to us what this means. With your own words,” he demanded. 

Jean looked genuinely scared. Still, without hesitation, he rose from his seat and began to speak. More psychology nonsense that Eren didn't understand. The anxiety in Jean’s eyes stayed as he spoke, as he stared back at Mr. Ackerman and recited his answer. He held his ground. He spoke his mind. He took his seat once again, but even from a distance, Eren thought he could see a slight tremble in Jean’s hands. 

He didn't mention it at lunch. God, he  _ wanted _ to, but if Jean knew that he had been peeking in on him during class… Eren didn't figure that would go over too well. He wasn't going to let Jean spend all of lunch period miserable, though. Not again. 

He reached forward and grabbed Jean’s phone from him the moment he pulled it out. He turned the damned thing off and shoved it down into the front pocket of his pants. “Do you wanna go out for a milkshake or something after school? There's a really cool place I know. Want you to try their caramel flavor.”

Seeing Jean smile was the best thing that had happened in two days. “That sounds good. But I'd like to know why you had to take my phone for that.”

“Look,” Eren said, “I don't know what's going on. You won't  _ tell _ me what's going on. I fuckin’ hate that, y’know, but if it's something you  _ really _ think you can take care of by yourself, fine. Fuckin’ fine. Keep it to yourself.  _ Fine.  _ But I can't stand to just watch you be  _ miserable  _ all the time. You keep looking depressed. Then you look at your phone and look even  _ more _ depressed. So I'm confiscating it for the rest of the day. You're gonna have a damn good day, alright?”

Jean rolled his eyes. His smile didn't go anywhere. “Alright. Fair enough.” He looked down at his hands. “I'm sorry for worrying you. I really am. It's just a bit complicated, what's happening right now. I'm working on it. It'll be okay soon, I promise. It'll all be okay.” He looked back up to meet Eren’s gaze. “I should be better by the weekend. I don't have much more to do. Once I finish working through this  _ thing _ , I… I think it'll really be okay. I just need another day.”

Eren offered out a hand. Jean took it without hesitation. “Okay. Please, though. Please ask for help if you need it. I don't want you to suffer.” 

“I know. I'm gonna be okay.” Despite his apparent good mood, a cold darkness found its way back onto his face. “I swear. I'm going to make everything better. One way or another, I'm going to fix this.”

There was something terrifying about the way he spoke. Something terrifying, and yet, something comforting. A real promise to make sure that everything worked out for the both of them. He trusted Jean with everything he had. 

The rest of the school day was slow and obnoxious. It dragged on for what felt like forever until it was miraculously over all at once. Eren met with Jean at his locker and hauled him through the crowded school halls to where students were doing their best to get out of that hell of a building. One more day. One more day and it would be the weekend again. One more day until the time when Jean said he would be okay. 

He prayed that Jean really would be okay by then. All the time that Jean had spent trying to take care of Eren, all the time he had spent being worried about him, everything. He understood now. Jean was in need of support. Jean was the one who needed help. And Eren was the one who was worried.

Suddenly he felt terrible about all the hell he must have put Jean through. Love was a complicated thing. 

Wait, what? Did he really just think that? Did he really love Jean? He definitely felt  _ something,  _ but… He had never been in love before. He couldn't say that was or was not love. When he thought about how perfectly his and Jean’s hands fit together, when he looked over and saw Jean’s face, he thought to himself that he really did love him.

_ Damn.  _

 

Friday

Jean looked better that morning than he had for most of the week. The dark circles under his eyes were gone. He no longer looked entirely exhausted and frightened. He looked like himself and it was absolutely beautiful.  _ Jean _ was beautiful. Eren hated himself for taking so long to realize it. He hated that he had only properly paid attention to Jean when he was too unsteady to stand on his own two feet. He absolutely  _ hated  _ that it had taken him so damn long to realize how wonderful Jean was. 

But he understood now. They talked as usual while they waited for Hanji to get in. They joked and smiled and argued and it was absolutely amazing. It was comfortable. It was like they were always meant to be together, to have a relationship like the one they had. He didn't want anyone else. He wanted to be with Jean. 

It was just a matter of finding the right time to tell him. It wasn’t like he could just stop Jean in the hallway or tell him at lunch while they were surrounded by a bunch of other shitty teenagers that neither of them actually liked. Marco and Armin had started to go eat together on the roof. Everyone else that Eren deemed a decent person was off  _ somewhere,  _ he just couldn’t be bothered to find out where. It didn’t matter as long as they weren’t being bothersome when he was least prepared to deal with it. As long as nobody interrupted when he had found the right time, everything would be fine. And he wouldn’t have to punch anyone. That’d be nice.

If it was for Jean, though, Eren would fight whoever he had to. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him. And if Jean didn't get it back together, if a certain  _ someone _ didn't stop bothering him, Eren couldn't be held accountable for his actions. His sister had been taken away from him. A man he had trusted ever since they had met was mentally broken by some psychopath and driven to actually  _ kill _ himself. The woman his sister had entrusted his self defense to was the victim of a disgusting prank that nobody was willing to step up and take responsibility for. His best friend was actually spending more time with another human being that he was in his bedroom. And Jean was there for everything. He had been a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. 

Eren wasn't going to let anyone hurt him. He was going to keep Jean safe no matter what. No matter what. 

He completed spaced out during Hanji’s class. While she continued to try to drill the periodic table of elements into their heads, he considered what he could do for Jean. It had to be special. And it had to be that day. If he didn't get it out of his system that day, well, he wasn't sure he'd be able to. He had never been the kind of guy who did well with time to  _ think.  _ He had to  _ do.  _ If he hesitated, if he let his thoughts overrule his instincts and his gut feeling, everything fell apart. Every single time, without fail. He couldn't let that happen. He hadn't thought much through most of his and Jean’s relationship. If it could be called that, anyways. 

Regardless of what they had was called, the point was that he had been following his guts. His instincts. His emotions. When he had let his thoughts run wild, when his brain made everything out to be bigger than it had to be, Jean was there to talk him down. Jean was there to quiet those screaming thoughts and bring peace back to the war his emotions had turned into. He never said it out loud. He didn't know how to. He didn't know how to get everything across that he wanted to. He didn't know how to tell someone how important they were to him. He hadn't even been able to tell his sister and his best friend when he had first thought that maybe, just maybe, the guy that sat next to him in chemistry could be worth a second glance. 

It took all day. It took all day, but he finally figured it out. He was going to take Jean out to the local park, find a cozy spot to sit together, and he was gonna do it. He was gonna tell him. He was gonna look Jean in the eyes and tell him that he had realized how much Jean meant to him. How much he  _ loved _ him. He prayed that Jean well and truly felt the same. They had laid together and they had  _ kissed _ and they had just been together and it all felt so  _ right _ that Eren couldn't imagine that Jean didn't feel it too. He didn't know what he was going to do if Jean told him that he had held Eren close for the hell of it, that he had kissed back because Eren had kissed him and it was just one of those things that was rude to not return. 

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. It was all going to be okay. Jean wasn't the kind of person to lead someone on. He wasn't the kind of person that would catch someone who tripped just to turn around and throw them off a cliff. He had faith that Jean would return his feelings. It was only natural by then. 

At lunch Jean had mentioned that apparently Mr. Ackerman had something to discuss with him at the end of the day. Jean had headed straight there after their last class, so Eren decided to go wait outside the room for Jean to get out. Then they could go somewhere and Eren could tell Jean how he felt and they could have a nice time together. The wait was killing him. It was always the wait, the suspense, that got to him. It was going to take so much self control to keep from blurting everything out the moment Jean stepped out of the psychology room. 

His nerves were completely shot by the time he got to the room. He leaned against the wall next to the door and tried to steady his breathing. He could vaguely hear Jean and Mr. Ackerman’s voices. This time, though, he wasn't in the market to be spying. He was just there to wait for Jean. 

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he heard a loud crash from within the room. He couldn't stop himself from flinging the door open and barging into the room. The sight he was greeted by made him feel sick. Jean was on the ground, blood trickling down the side of his face from a cut above his right eyebrow, struggling to get his feet underneath him again. And Mr. Ackerman was there, standing above Jean and staring down at him with murder in his eyes and… wait, was Eren seeing that right? No, no, he  _ couldn't  _ be. There was no reason for a teacher to be holding a knife like that. 

Mr. Ackerman looked over at Eren with a sick grin on his face. “Eren. I'm so glad you could join us.” Eren’s eyes darted to Jean.

Jean mouthed the word  _ run.  _

And Eren did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (｡･｀ω´･｡)   
> i should apologize but im not sorry lmao
> 
>  
> 
> As always I didn't proofread this because I'm the biggest piece of shit on the planet so please let me know if there are any stupid errors!


	7. Gold - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean didn't think things would unfold like this.  
> Not that he had any idea of how it would go in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Here it is. Last chapter! c:

Monday

Jean woke up early when his phone started to ring a shrill, irritating tone. He groggily reached over and answered the call if only to yell at whoever was calling him. “Good morning, Jean,” a voice said. 

Jean let out a  _ long _ sigh. “The fuck do you want? Can’t even answer my texts and you wanna call and wake me up at, what, five-thirty?” He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was supposed to be getting out of bed soon anyways, but… He didn’t appreciate the rude awakening. The world was too cruel to grant him the blessing of waking up on a Monday morning to the voice of someone he  _ liked _ . No, he just  _ had _ to get stuck dealing with this douchebag.

“I apologize for my behaviour,” the Informant said, “but you must understand, I am a busy man. I have a lot to deal with apart from you and your little quest.”

“How long can it possibly take to respond to a text?”

“Oh, lighten up. It’s in the past. I have information I’m willing to trade, Jean. That’s why I’m calling you before school. I wanted to give you a hit of a head start, so to speak. It’s been awhile since we last made a trade.”

_ Ugh.  _ “That’s because I haven’t needed you. It’s been so easy. I’m not convinced that I need you anymore.”

The Informant laughed. “You need me this time. I personally know the person you’re dealing with. I’ve seen him go through this murder cycle more times than I can be bothered to count. You know him too, Jean, just not as well as I do. None of you stupid kids know who he is away from school. I know him as a brutal man that’s been doing this ever since we were your age.”

His thought process paused for a moment before picking back up. “Hold on. Are you trying to tell me that there’s an  _ adult _ that wants to get Eren? A flesh and blood  _ man _ and not just a boy?”

“Something like that.”

Nausea crept into his stomach. What the  _ fuck?  _ Dealing with people his own age was one thing, but having to go against and eliminate a grown man was enough to make him want to puke his fucking guts out. The fact that this battle was a teenager versus an adult wasn't even the issue. The issue was that an  _ adult,  _ a grown-ass man who should have known better than to try to win the affections of a teenage boy, was his rival. A  _ man.  _

“Is it disgust or fear that's keeping you quiet?”

“Disgust,” he practically growled. 

“Wrong answer,” the Informant said. “Don't waste your time thinking about the morals of this situation. It won't get you anywhere. What you need to do is  _ fear _ and prepare yourself for what comes next. He knows nearly everything that I do. He's an expert at reading people. I'm sure he knows that you're the one standing between him and Eren. He’ll figure it out when you know who he is. And trust me, Jean. He will show you no mercy.”

“I wouldn't expect him to.” A face popped into his head, someone he thought fit the description of being  _ an expert at reading people.  _ He prayed he was wrong.

The Informant cleared his throat. “I believe I've set you down the right path. Now, there is the matter of payment. I do hope you haven't been slacking off.”

Jean sighed for what felt like the hundredth time during that phone call. “I have photos of that girl Hitch doing some compensated dating. That better be good enough for you.”

“But of course. Do send them to me when you get a moment.” The Informant hung up as soon as the words were out of his mouth. 

Thank  _ fuck  _ that was over. He sent the photos immediately; better to deal with it right away than it was to let it sit. God, he hated that guy. No matter how much he hated the Informant, though, he hated the man who was itching to get his dirty hands on Eren even more.

He left for school in a bad mood. He was still in a bad mood when he got there. Hell, seeing Eren walk into the room didn't even get rid of the dread lurking in his heart. He loved Eren. He prized Eren above all others. Eren was the light of his life, the reason he got up in the morning. The only thing that mattered to him. But he couldn't shake the feeling that clung to him.

The morning classes dragged on with seemingly no end in sight. The worst of it was when he walked into his psychology room and saw that devil in human’s skin. Jean knew that the man he had to deal with had to be someone within the school since the adult men there were the only ones Eren interacted with on a regular basis outside of his own family. Someone in the school. Someone that Eren had spend time around. A demon standing in front of Jean. 

The man who was in charge of detention supervision. The man Eren had spent entire afternoons with a little while before Jean started killing for him. Eren had been going through a bit of a  _ phase _ during that time, though Jean didn't quite know why. Eren had been even louder and more brash than he usually was, resulting in more than a few afternoons in the classroom they used for detention. The classroom that Levi Ackerman stood at the front of, carefully monitoring any and all of the students there at any given time.

A man who was an  _ expert _ at reading people. 

That man called attention to the front of the room for roll call. That man said that they would be talking about themes and feeling associated with different colors. It was absolutely  _ infuriating.  _

Black, mystery and death. White, hope and goodness. Gray, stability and authority. Red, danger and passion. Orange, creativity and ideas. Yellow, intellect and caution. Green, life and maturity. Blue, tranquility and confidence. Purple, wisdom and luxury. Gold, affluence and triumph. Depression. Sadness. Memory. Anger. Envy. Jealousy. Calmness. Success.

Color. 

It was Mr. Ackerman’s lesson on color that Jean used as an excuse for his foul mood at lunch. Before that, though, he did some rummaging through that man’s faculty page on the school website. There was nothing out of place. Nobody on the school’s social media hub had anything particularly bad to say about him. It was almost as infuriating as having to listen to the man himself. 

Brushing off Eren’s concerns was incredibly painful. He wanted to tell Eren everything. He needed Eren to know that Jean was doing everything in his power to keep him safe from the world. Eren needed to know that Jean suspected that that  _ man  _ might be after him. But he couldn't say a word for fear of Eren totally rejecting him. He couldn't let that happen. He had to be with Eren. He had been born to meet Eren. So he deflected the questions asked and pretend like it would all be okay. It wasn't. None of it was okay. 

His life was a mess. He was a murderer before he even graduated high school. He was about to go searching for evidence that his  _ psychology _ teacher was the same as him. He was going to have to figure out how to defeat a man twice his age. God fucking  _ damn _ it. 

Putting something as a higher priority than spending time with Eren after school was the absolute  _ worst _ part of that day. During gym he had spent the warmup jog figuring out what years Levi was in high school. During a game of volleyball he thought about where he could find information on murders and disappearances during those years. It didn't take much brainpower to realize his best option was the city library. 

That was where he went instead of going anywhere with Eren. Instead of spending time with the person he loved most, he had to research the era of the person he hated most. It was so  _ unfair.  _ Why couldn't he have been a normal person? As he asked a librarian where he could find records of the years he was confident that he could stay there all night studying, he couldn't help but wish that he had been like everyone else. He wished he could have been the kind of person who could just slam his hands down on Eren’s desk and let his confession spill out and let  _ everyone  _ know how much he loved him. 

He had been born broken. He was damaged goods, faulty equipment. Someone like him had no right to someone as good as Eren. Then again, neither did anyone like Levi. Jean at least had a chance at redemption. Levi was a lost cause by then, a hopeless husk that had lived too long to change. To let go of his paranoia and to embrace emotion even away from the object of his desire.

Jean realized that night that, for better or worse, he really had changed. Everything was so different and complicated and messy, it was a maze he had to navigate every single day of his life. And he  _ loved _ it. He felt like, despite his wrongdoings, he really could save himself before he ended up a gross old man that wanted to lay claim to a student. He still had a chance to be the good person that Eren deserved. He could do it. 

All he had to do was get one of one final obstacle. One last thing stood in his way, blocking him from becoming a better person and being with the most important person in the world. One last person. 

One man. One  _ mortal _ man. He could do this. He  _ would _ do this. Eren would be his and Eren would be safe. 

He almost missed it. As his head was filled with thoughts of Eren, he almost skipped right over the newspaper articles he had been praying actually existed. Dated two months after Levi would have started his freshman year, an article was published about the finding of the body of a teenage girl from the school. They found her in a ditch beside the road, clothes torn up by the thorns she had landed in. It had been such a simple murder, her body only having a slit across the throat and no wounds other than those from the thorns. No footprints or DNA had been recovered from the area. According to the parents, there was absolutely no reason for it to have happened. The girl was on honor roll and had secured a position on the cheer team. People liked her. It was a senseless act of violence.

Two weeks later there was another murder. This one was also found in a patch of thorns, though this time there was seemingly more rage behind the killing. The throat had been absolutely  _ mutilated _ to the point of near decapitation. The victim this time was a boy, not much older than the girl two weeks prior. He was on the basketball team, another seemingly innocent child taken too soon. Suspicion that the two murders immediately surfaced due to the fact that both children were from the same high school and their bodies were found in the same setting.

It fell silent for awhile until, three months later, another was discovered. And another. And another. For four years someone ruled the school by terror. Someone stalked the shadows and was methodically killing whoever seemed like a reasonable victim. Over four years, twenty-three high school students were found murdered with severe wounds to the throat, bodies tangled in patches of thorns. Wherever there grew thorns there was a body. For four years, nobody escaped the darkness that watched over the school and its students.

The May of what would have been Levi’s senior year, though, that all changed. Someone escaped from him. The slit on her throat hadn’t been deep enough. She lost enough blood that night to fall into unconsciousness but not enough to die. She woke up in the thorns. She held her hand over the cut to keep as much of her blood as possible  _ inside _ of her body while she fought to get out of the thorns and get to the police. The hospital was too far away to go straight there. The only people close that could help her were the police.

She had gone through a traumatic event. There were some memories that her brain refused to acknowledge no matter how hard she tried to find them; most of what happened that night was completely repressed, locked deep within her head. Locked behind doors that not even she could open. She only had one detail that she could share with the people that had a chance at serving justice. Her attacker was a man with gray eyes. Cold, gray eyes that could kill with a glance.

A librarian put her hand on Jean’s shoulder. “Sir, it’s closing time. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back another time if you’d like to keep looking at these. I can set them aside for you if you’ll be back tomorrow.”

Jean checked the time on his phone and almost choked on his own spit. Seriously? Nine? It was fucking nine at night and he hadn’t even noticed? Un-fucking-believable. “Please, could you?” he asked as kindly as he could manage. “I need these for a school project. I’ll be back after school tomorrow, I swear.”

The librarian beside him smiled and assured him that she would save them for him rather than putting them back where he’d have to search to find them all again. Newspaper stories from so far back were a bit of a hassle to find, after all. And, as a  _ librarian,  _ she couldn’t exactly say no to a boy who was pouring over things he needed for a project. No matter how long he had been looking, though, he wasn’t tired. He wanted to go out and look more. He needed more on his side. 

As he walked home he couldn't help but think that he wasn’t going to be getting much sleep that night.

 

Tuesday

Constantly being distracted by threats that he might be imagining was getting to be a real inconvenience. School dragged on and on and  _ on _ with no respite. When it felt like it was time for dismissal it was only time for lunch and he couldn’t even focus on that. He couldn’t focus on Eren’s stories about what his classmates did. He couldn’t focus on Eren telling him about the new TV show he watched last night. He couldn’t think of anything but how badly he needed to get back to the library to confirm his suspicions. He had already seen for himself that there was a murderer on the loose during the time of Levi’s high school education, but life didn’t end there. Something like obsession didn’t go away just because you graduated. He had to scour all of the records he could and find continual proof.

At least the librarian had held true to her promise. He visited her desk when he finally got there and received the pile of papers he had been pouring over the night before. There was no time to waste. Now that he knew when the library closed, well, he had to work faster and yet somehow more efficiently. Four years every five hours wasn’t going to help him at all in the long run. He had to keep looking beyond four years, beyond eight, beyond ten. He had to find every murder in which the victim had neck wounds and was found in thorns since that seemed to be his fucking M.O. It was actually quite nice that all of those murders were basically the same. All he had to look for were ones like that and he’d be fine.

Each one of the murders reported in those first four years were front-page stories. The same held true after high school and into the college years. The man with gray eyes continued to kill through college, even though the killings became further apart as the years went by. He got sloppier and less thorough as time went on. One victim had escaped during the four years he spent in high school. But in college, at least one person escaped every year. Slowly but surely more details about the man with gray eyes were put forth. Short. Strong. Brutal. Had a strange length of hair that didn’t fit with the styles of the time. He wore latex gloves when he killed. He always attacked during the evening and dumped the bodies once the sun had gone down. As more and more details like that were released to the public, the killings slowly dwindled in number until they stopped completely.

They stopped two years before Jean entered high school. Jean had heard rumors about something that happened back then. When he was a freshman, there were kids in the junior and senior classes that said that one of the teachers started secretly dating the headmaster. There was only one teacher he could think of that was particularly attached to Erwin Smith outside of school.

He had seen them going to lunch together. He had seen them around town together once or twice. The rumors never died, despite the amounts of teenage girls that fell down to kiss the ground Levi Ackerman walked on. 

Things were shaping up to be a bit messier than Jean had anticipated.

 

Wednesday

He didn’t go to school that day. Didn’t reply to Eren’s texts no matter how badly he wanted to. What he did do was call the Informant and pray that he was wrong.

“Yes?” the Informant said upon answering. “How can I help you, Jean? You never seem to want to reach out to me first.”

Jean gritted his teeth and sucked in a breath to steel himself. “It's Levi Ackerman, isn't it? The man I have to get rid of.”

The Informant sighed. “Yes. I was almost hoping you'd need more help from me, but I guess you're more self-sufficient than I expected.”

Jean wasn't going to waste any time. Not then. “Erwin Smith. Did Levi kill people to keep them away from him?”

“Yes.”

“And you went to high school and college with them, didn’t you?”

“Of course. We three have been friends for many years now.”

“If Levi did everything back then for Erwin, why does he suddenly want to get his hands on Eren?”

There was a long pause. The Informant eventually sighed and said, “Honestly, I don't know. He and Erwin have seemed happy for a long time. I don't know why he wants Eren all of a sudden.”

“Can't you find out?”

“I'm afraid it's not that easy. Not when it comes to Levi. I'm sorry. Frankly, I'm also a bit concerned.” For some reason, Jean had a hard time believing that. “I've known Levi for a very long time. I would hate for something bad to happen to him, despite all the lives I've seen him take. But you and Eren are children. It was one thing for him to become obsessed with someone and kill people his own age. This is very different.”

No shit. “What am I gonna do? I can't beat him.”

“I think your only option is to figure out how to get him to attack you where someone else will see. Someone who will go and get help. You'd just have to stay alive through the encounter.” 

“I get the feeling that's easier said than done.”

“It is. Your best hope is that he doesn't act on anything and he stays away from you and Eren. I'm not sure you stand a chance otherwise.”

Jean rubbed his temple and tried to keep his breathing regular. It was gonna be a long day. 

 

Thursday

There was a look in Eren’s eyes that Jean hadn’t seen before, something that he couldn’t name. It was soft and yet a look that nearly scared him. Desperation? Perhaps that was it. “I'm here if you need to talk,” Eren promised. “You aren't alone, Jean. You've been different these past few days. I'm worried about you. You don't have to face everything by yourself. I'll  _ help  _ you.”

Jean forced himself to smile and said, “Thank you. But this really is something I have to deal with by myself.” He couldn’t involve Eren in this. Now now. Never. It was Jean’s problem.

Hanji stormed into the room as per usual, effectively cutting Eren off from pressing any further. It was bothering him. Jean’s problems were genuinely, legitimately  _ bothering _ Eren and it was so comforting to know that he cared that much but  _ damn _ if it wasn’t a pain in the ass. He wanted the best for Eren. This wasn’t the best. This was making him  _ suffer.  _

He imagined himself taking those thoughts and sealing them up somewhere that he couldn’t get to them. Somewhere that they wouldn’t be able to bother him all day, somewhere that he could forget about them and focus on the task at hand. 

Eren was the most important thing in his life. The only important thing, actually. He wasn’t going to let someone like  _ Levi Ackerman _ fuck it up. He’d swallow those negative emotions and he’d finish what he fucking started. Then everything would be okay. It would all work out. With the last person out of the picture there would be nobody, absolutely  _ nobody,  _ that would pose a threat. And if new threats ever arose, well, he’d eliminate them too if he had to. If he didn’t become the kind of person he needed to be. The kind of person who would let Eren go if he found something better.

Honestly, though, what were the odds of  _ that? _

But by the time psychology rolled around, all of those feelings he had locked away had broken down the door. What chance did he have? He was weak. He couldn’t even face his opponents in a battle like he should have been able to. Weak. Weak, weak,  _ weak.  _ Maybe it was better to just… step down. He had gotten this far, at least. He had the right to say he had been blessed with Eren’s presence. Maybe it would be better for Levi to take over. He was a bit older, yeah, but at least he wasn’t a fucking  _ coward.  _ Jean had read all of the police reports. Levi’s victims were given a chance to escape and most of them were too weak to get away.

Jean’s first victim hadn’t been given that chance. His second had been a matter of mindplay, something he only knew because of the class Levi taught. His third had just been total  _ bullshit.  _ He hadn’t been able to face her at all. And his fourth, well, Armin didn’t really count. Armin was still alive and clearly wasn’t a victim of any type given how happy he seemed to be. Eren deserved someone stronger than Jean. Someone who could actually fight face-to-face. Someone who wouldn’t run from a challenge, no matter what the odds. 

Someone who could really take care of him.

Ymir shoved Jean out of the way. “Don’t just fuckin’ stand in the doorway, douchebag,” she said as she passed by him and into the classroom. He mentally kicked himself before he walked to his desk. Ymir sat behind him there; she either wasn’t in any of his other classes or preferred to sit as far away from him as she possibly could. He couldn’t blame her, really. She wanted to keep Christa safe from a bunch of creepy teenage boys and the best place to do that was the corner of the room where she could keep an eye on her.

He sat in his seat and turned to look at her. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” she said. “But I guess so. Go for it.”

“Do you think I’m weak?”

“I just shoved your head against a doorframe, so.”

“Apart from that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not really, I guess. I mean, you’re no Reiner or Bert, but you’re better than Connie or Armin. I could probably take you in a fight but that doesn't mean you're bad or anything. Why?”

Jean shrugged. “Just wanted to know what other people thought.”

“Bullshit.” She looked over in the direction of the windows and sighed. “Physically, you're not the strongest person I know. Over the years, though, I think you've proven yourself to have a mental strength that other people don't have. You can use that to your advantage.” She looked back to him, one side of her mouth curled into a grin. “So? Who are you gonna fight? Is there a betting pool I can get in on?”

“There's no betting pool. I'm not  _ planning _ on fighting anyone. Sorry to disappoint,” he said. “I was just thinking about it. No big deal.”

And then Mr. Ackerman was there. He shut the door behind him and stomped over to his desk; he sure could house a lot of irritation despite being such a tiny guy. Jean’s heart sank when he announced, “Kirstein. Pass out the study guides for today.”

He walked to the front of the room and took the stack of papers from the desk. He didn't manage to get away before he heard Levi hiss, “You don't have a chance against me. Give up.” Jean ignored it. He had to. For the time being, he had to keep his head on straight and not worry about that douchebag.

He muttered back a brief reply of, “Fuck that.”

Half of class passed without incident. The study guides he had passed out were being used for once, thank fuck. He had been out on study guide duty before. People usually just folded them into paper airplanes to throw at each other when Mr. Ackerman wasn't looking. It was all fun and games until  _ someone _ threw one too far to the front of the class and all of the paper airplanes were confiscated. Considering their topic of study that day, though, it wasn't actually all that surprising that the guides were finally being used. 

After the time they spent on colors the class moved on to the topic of love. How it happened, the benefits of it, why it sometimes drove people to do crazy things. It all boiled down to chemicals, of course. Love was nothing more and nothing less than a strange mix of chemicals in the brain. Chemicals that, according to Mr. Ackerman, had the capability to turn humans into monsters. It might have just been his imagination, but Jean could have sworn Levi was looking directly at him as he said so. His suspicions seemed to be confirmed when Levi pointed to a chain of information on the whiteboard and specifically called Jean out to “explain it in his own words.”

That was it, then. Levi knew about Jean and he knew that Jean knew about him, as convoluted as that thought was. He rose and forced himself to keep his voice steady. Chemicals, he said, were the route of all human emotion and mental illnesses. Those chemicals had the ability to drive someone into the ground or lift them up, and it all depended on a set of circumstances and environmental variables that couldn't be controlled. A certain arrangement of chemicals had the capability to unbalance the mind and bodily function as a whole, leading to obsessive disorders and a multitude of other issues. However, another combination and a balance would result in a safe, healthy feeling of love. 

In the end, everyone’s lives were dictated by the chemicals in their brains. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

He sat back down without another word. 

And he didn’t say another word to anyone until lunch period when Eren snatched away his phone and rather aggressively asked Jean out for a milkshake. It was only natural that he accept, even if it was the slightest bit inconvenient that Eren confiscated his phone. Of course he trusted Eren not to turn it back on and go snooping through it when Jean wasn’t looking, but there were so many things that could go wrong. So many things Jean was trying to protect Eren from, the proof of most of them being on that phone. Photos and texts and videos and call logs… It seemed like no matter how many times he cleared his phone in a day there was always something that he missed, something that could ruin him if anybody found it. All he could do was hope that it would all stay hidden.

Jean muddled through the day without really hearing the teachers, without seeing his notes, without  _ feeling.  _ It was frightening the way his emotions seemed to come and go as they pleased, never thinking about what Jean might have wanted. He didn’t want to lose his feelings, not now, not ever. He hadn’t realized how much he had been missing. Being able to like something, to be excited, to be happy; sadness, fear, and anger were hardly his favorite things to feel, of course, but the point stood that he could finally feel. He could experience life and it was all because of Eren. Jean had been broken and Eren had put him together, piece by piece.

That was why his heart went racing when Eren grabbed his hand as they walked that afternoon, why he adored the feeling of just being together. There was nothing that could replace the way he felt when he was with Eren. People liked to say that love between a couple of high school kids couldn’t last. They liked to say that they were just children who didn’t know what real love felt like. Jean wanted to put his hands around the throats of those people and  _ squeeze _ until their eyes popped out of their sockets. What the fuck did they know? People like that were the ones who didn’t know “real” love.

He knew. Jean knew that he and Eren would be together forever, one way or another. They’d live their lives and be happy together no matter what the world threw at them. Nothing could take Eren away from him. He smiled as Eren told him about what happened during his gym period, he laughed with him when he got to the part where Sasha sent a ball straight into Connie’s face while they were goofing off and trying to summon a gym spirit or whatever. Eren rolled his eyes and muttered, “Occult club kids,” as if that explained why they thought there were spirits in the gym. 

That evening came too quickly. They had to say goodbye for the night and Jean’s only solace was knowing that he would be able to see Eren again the next day. That, as long as Eren took care of himself and his parents didn’t fuck anything up, he’d be safe until Jean had the chance to get rid of Levi once and for all. It was about time that somebody took him down a notch or two.

After returning Jean’s phone, Eren kissed him before they parted ways. Eren kissed him and Jean was absolutely positive that he’d manage to take down anyone who stood in his way. Because he loved Eren. Because Eren wanted to spend time with him. Because Eren trusted him. Because Eren deemed him worthy of his time and because Eren kissed him and there was no way that Jean was just  _ imagining _ the feeling in the air when they had to turn in opposite directions to walk home alone.

Jean turned his phone back on and opened his messages. He tapped out a small sentence to send to the Informant,  _ It ends tomorrow. _

It was only a few brief moments before he got a reply.

_ Good luck. _

 

Friday

Jean woke up that morning with a fierce determination in his heart. He was going to rip Levi Ackerman to  _ pieces _ so no one would ever have to deal with him again. He was going to see the most beautiful sight of that man’s skin splitting and crimson blood pouring out. Then Eren would be safe. Eren would be well and truly  _ his.  _ No more competition. No more pain. They would finally be able to be together and left alone in peace. It was almost over. 

That was why he felt so  _ good  _ that day compared to how he had felt all week. Eren’s face lit up when Jean no longer looked like a total zombie and effectively made Jean sorry for all of the worry he had caused. He was supposed to be there to support Eren and keep him happy, not make him  _ worried _ . His self-hatred was buried under the love he felt when Eren leaned in and told Jean that he wanted to go somewhere after school again. There was never any chance of Jean saying no, of course, but he still had to find the time to destroy Levi and he wasn't sure when else he would have a chance besides after school. 

They were mid-argument when Hanji came into the room looking even more cheerful than she usually did. “We’re going where  _ I  _ want to go. Got it?” Eren said before the lesson could begin. 

It wasn't worth fighting over. As long as they were together, there wasn't a place on earth that he wouldn't go to. “Fine,” he replied as though he actually gave a shit. Anywhere was perfect so long as Eren was by his side. That was all he wanted. That was all that mattered to him. As long as Eren was with him, the world could fall apart around him and he wouldn't spare the wreckage a second glance. 

It looked like he’d have to make Eren wait just a little bit before they went out together after school. He had someone he needed to dispose of, after all. It couldn't be too hard. Just tell Eren that he needed to talk to Mr. Ackerman about an assignment, walk straight into the psychology room,  _ kill _ him, and walk right back out. No problem. 

No problem whatsoever. 

Chemistry passed as it usually did. Hanji made some jokes, decided it was a good day for some experiments, almost blew up the classroom again. Nothing out of the ordinary. Jean completely spaced out during second period. He spent that class thinking about just how he was going to deal with this. He knew what he had to do, but, well, he didn't exactly want to bring weapons to school. He could always sneak back into chemistry during lunch and whip up a poison. He could nab some rope or string or  _ whatever _ it was that they used in the art room. He knew for sure that there were some damn heavy things in the gym that he could use to smash in Levi’s skull. That’d be fun. 

But before he knew it, he was already on his way out of psychology to go meet Eren in the lunchroom and he still didn't know what exactly his plan was. Maybe he could just wait until all of the students had filtered out of the room and he could just bash Levi’s head with his book bag and it would all be over. He could  _ absolutely _ kill someone with his book bag. The school made him carry around way too much bullshit that he didn't really need. 

If there was a god in heaven, that god had decided to do Jean a big favor. “Kirstein,” Mr. Ackerman said before Jean was out the door. He looked over his shoulder to see the man beckoning to him. “I need to discuss something with you.”

Someone--probably Ymir--let out an obnoxious, “Oooooohh, Jean’s in  _ trouble,” _ like they were still in elementary school. Definitely Ymir. 

Jean rolled his eyes and walked over to the teacher's desk. “What?”

“I imagine you want to get straight to lunch, so I won't take up too much of your time.” Levi turned away from Jean and set about straightening the papers on his desk. “Come visit me after classes are over for the day. We do have that  _ issue _ to deal with, you know.”

“How could I forget?”

The last student walked out of the room. Levi looked at Jean out of the corner of his eye and it was  _ not  _ a friendly look. “I suppose I have some things I need to explain, don't I? And when that's all said and done, we have something to settle. Once and for all.”

Jean gave his best fake smile and said, “Of course, sir. I won't lose to someone like you.”

Levi made no move to reply and Jean wasn't going to drag out their encounter longer than it needed to be. Eren was waiting for him. Eren was why he was fighting. Eren was too precious to fall into the hands of a man who had seemingly laid claim to the person he wanted and then wanted another. Jean would never do that. Nobody, absolutely  _ nobody,  _ would ever take his attention from Eren. Eren was the only one he wanted. No matter what happened. 

Just as he had wanted, Eren was standing by the entrance to the cafeteria waiting for Jean to get there. A rush of pure bliss ran through Jean’s veins when Eren’s eyes found him and he smiled like seeing Jean was all he wanted. Jean had to remind himself that Eren was  _ different.  _ Eren was  _ normal.  _ He wanted more that just to see Jean and he always would and, no matter how badly Jean wanted all of Eren’s attention to himself, he would always be there for support. 

He would never abandon Eren. He would never hurt him. He was going to protect him.

“I have to stop by Mr. Ackerman’s class before we leave today,” Jean told Eren after they were seated at their usual table. “I need to talk to him about something. I don't know how long it'll take, though, so it's okay if you wanna go ahead and leave and I'll just catch up to you when I'm out.”

Eren gave Jean one of his “you've gotta be fucking kidding me” expressions. “You should know by now that I'm perfectly happy to wait for you. Besides, you  _ hate _ that guy. I figure you'll need someone to complain to immediately after you're done with him.”

Well, he wasn't totally wrong. “You're a fuckin’ nerd,” he muttered. “Thanks.”

“And I thought about where we should go today. I figured we could go to the park or something and get a head start on the weekend homework. Or we could just act like children and play on the jungle gym. Whatever is fine with me, really.” There was a look in Eren’s eyes that Jean had never seen on anyone before. Nervousness? Hopefulness? He couldn't tell exactly  _ what _ it was, but it was gentle and overbearing and beautiful. 

“That sounds good,” Jean said with a nod. “You could come over again this weekend too. If you want, I mean.”

“My mom hasn't been too thrilled about all the time I've spent at your place.” Eren sighed before the proverbial lightbulb lit up. “Why don't you come over to my house? I still have to show you all of that  _ fucking  _ celery.”

Jean couldn't help but laugh. “I  _ refuse _ to believe that you guys actually have as much celery as you say you do.”

“Then fucking come over to my house and I'll show you.”

“Deal.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck.  _ Did he just agree to go over to Eren’s house? Where he  _ lived?  _ With his  _ family?  _ It hit him that he'd probably see Eren’s bedroom.  _ Fuck.  _ That was such a personal thing and Eren trusted him enough to take him home and show him where his life happened and Jean couldn't believe it. It hadn't been a big deal to invite Eren to his house. He'd trust Eren with his life. But the fact that Eren was really returning that trust… it was the nicest feeling in the world. 

He couldn't help but let his imagination take over for the rest of the day. What was Eren’s house like? Did he have a clean room or was he a messy person? Did they really have as much celery as Eren said they did? Would Eren’s parents like Jean? Shit. 

The thing he wondered most was if they'd kiss again. Jean couldn’t forget the feel of Eren’s lips against his and it was driving him _ insane.  _ He wanted to feel that again. He wanted more. He wanted everything Eren was willing to give him. Unfortunately, there was a strict limit as to what could happen at Eren’s house considering that his  _ parents  _ would be there. Damn it all to hell. 

By the time he had come to terms with the fact that he'd have to meet the parents, he was standing at his locker and remembering that he still had to go deal with Levi. And there was the possibility that Levi would walk out of that room and Jean wouldn't. 

_ No.  _ He slammed his head against his locker door, much to the alarm of some of the nearby students. He was  _ not  _ going to lose. He was going to find out  _ why _ that old fucker wanted to get his filthy paws on Eren and then he was going to destroy him. There were no other paths that he could take. 

“Stop hitting your head on your locker,” Eren ordered as he walked over. “We have to preserve what few brain cells you have.”

Jean looked at Eren and stuck out his tongue. 

Eren was true to his word. He walked with Jean to the psychology room and he took up position outside the door to wait for Jean. “I'll be right out,” Jean promised. He was going to win. Eren was his. Nobody else could have him.

Levi was waiting. He was sitting behind his desk, tapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair. Jean closed the door behind him and took a deep breath to steel his nerves. He walked to the front of the room. He stood in front of that desk and waited for Levi to speak. 

A long moment of silence passed. Then, “Life is a very complicated thing. You think I  _ know  _ why I latched onto someone and then found another person despite my feelings for the first one?”

“If your feelings for Erwin were true, you wouldn't latch on to anyone else.” Jean swallowed. “If anything, you're acting like some sort of whore.”

Levi stood up so fast his chair tipped over. He slammed his hands down on the desk and, if looks could kill, Jean would have been dead in an instant. “Don't say such things when you don't know how anything works. Despite how we’re born, Jean, we’re all human. And it's human nature to want more. We can't control our yearnings.” He smirked. “Like you said the other day. It's all chemicals.” 

“If scaring me away is your plan, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you.” Jean returned the smirk and hoped it made him look fucking  _ insane.  _ “I'm not going anywhere. You're the one that needs to step down.”

“There are two ways we can do this. The easy way is that you throw away that useless pride and back off. The hard way, well, I think we both know what  _ that _ is.”

“Did you not hear what I just said? I'm not going anywhere.”

“Very well.” Levi slid his gaze away from Jean and lifted one of his hands from the desk to open a drawer. “You can't say that I didn't give you the option to walk away. He'll be better off with me, anyways. I can keep him much safer than you ever could.”

Jean didn't manage to entirely dodge the attack. He was aware of it when Levi grabbed something out of the drawer and he  _ knew _ that it was bound to happen, but that didn't stop him from being surprised. The blade sliced through the skin above his eyebrow. He stumbled back and fell, all the while thinking how fucking rude it was that Levi openly attacked an unarmed man. 

Levi practically jumped over his desk and stood above where Jean had fallen. At some point during the fall he had tried to steady himself by reaching out to one of the desks, but  _ clearly _ that hadn't gone as planned. All that happened was a loud scraping and clanging as the desk slid out from under him and hit the one next to it, metal legs ringing out as they collided. 

The door flung open before Jean could stand up again. His breath caught in his throat when he heard the slam of the doorknob against the wall. Of course Jean looked over to see who it was. Of course he was horrified to see Eren there with worry written across his face, worry that quickly dissolved into horror once he realized what was going on. Sure, he was  _ living _ it, but Jean couldn't begin to imagine what it was like to open the door and  _ see  _ what was going on in there. A trusted teacher standing over a student and holding a knife that was already red from the first cut.

Levi looked over at Eren and smiled. “Eren. I'm so glad you could join us.” Jean wanted to rip that disgusting smile right off of his face. 

Eren’s eyes immediately met Jean’s and all he could do was mouth the word _run_ and pray that he listened. He couldn't involve Eren in this. It was too dangerous for him. Eren couldn’t get hurt.

And, thank the stars, Eren ran. As soon as he was out of sight Jean let out a sigh of relief and used Levi’s brief distraction serve as his chance to get back up on his feet. Levi held the handle of the knife so tightly his knuckles turned white. An even stronger hatred had settled into his facial expression. 

“Now look what you've done,” Levi quite literally  _ growled.  _ “He's going to go get help now, isn't he? That leaves us with a lot less time to finish this up.”

Jean tried to look as nonchalant as possible when he shrugged. “Then why are you wasting time talking?”

Despite his brave front, he had absolutely  _ no _ idea what he was going to do. Levi didn’t seem to know that, praise the lord. What if Eren didn't get help right away? Jean could very well die there. Without telling Eren how much he meant to him. Without being able to kiss him again. 

A deadly dance began along with those morbid thoughts. Their battleground was a classroom that Jean could have navigated with his eyes closed. Spending your whole life in public school did that to you. If you couldn’t memorize the room layout and learn how to get around other people and obstacles blocking your way, you were fucked. Completely and utterly fucked.

Damn, though. For such a ridiculously short old dude, Levi wasn’t helpless in the room full of desks. Why would he be? The guy would have been thrown in jail a long damn time ago if he didn’t have skills like those he had. He kept getting closer, one desk length at a time. Jean had to get out of there. If he could just get out into the hallway, he could easily outrun the man. He had longer legs and surely spent more time working on them than Levi spent on his; gym class mini-marathons were a fucking  _ bitch. _

“I thought you weren't going anywhere,” Levi said when Jean finally got one foot out the door. “Coward.”

Jean kept going backwards as Levi approached. “You're the one attacking an unarmed kid with a knife,” he retorted. “Coward.”

Just like that, Levi threw away the knife and barehandedly followed Jean out into the hall. The next few moments were a blur of blood dripping into his right eye and Levi grabbing him around the throat and Jean continuing to stumble backwards as he tried and failed to get an equal grip on Levi. 

He hit the windowsill  _ hard. _ There was nowhere left to run. At this rate he was going to black out and Levi was going to fucking kill him right then and there, holding him there with the windowsill digging into his back and his hope of actually escaping draining further with each passing second.

No. No, no, no, no,  **_no_ ** . If he died, Levi would find a way to get to Eren. Levi wouldn’t give up until he had Eren in his grasp. That was the kind of person that Levi Ackerman was, even after years and years and  _ years _ that he could have spent getting his fill of murder instead of further fueling that fire. And there was no promise that Levi wouldn’t end up killing Eren. Considering how insane Levi was, it wasn’t exactly a stretch. He absolutely could  _ not _ let that happen. No matter what. 

The pieces of an idea began to fall into place, giving him a shred of a platform to stand on. The psychology room was on the second floor of the school. The windows were never latched during the day in order to save money on air conditioning; they weren’t closed and latched until the nighttime janitor came by to lock them all up until the next morning.

He blinked the blood out of his eye and finally managed to get a hold on the collar of Levi’s fancy fucking teacher shirt. Making pretty much everything up as he went along probably wasn’t the best idea. Still, regardless of how little planning went into anything, the odds weren't that bad. It would either work or it wouldn't and, quite frankly, he was screwed either way. 

He pulled Levi closer, something the man  _ clearly  _ hadn't been expecting considering the sudden loosening of his hands on Jean’s throat. Jean clung to that shirt collar as if his life depended on it--which it kind of did--and used all of the strength still in his body to push Levi back a few steps before spinning around and  _ shoving _ him towards the windows. The element of surprise was on his side in that moment.

Whoever decided not to lock the windows during the day was Jean’s new best friend. He’d have to send that person a nice card and maybe a muffin basket. Did people still send each other muffins to thank them for things? Well, whatever. The window flew open when Levi’s head banged against the glass. The momentum kept him falling backwards and out, out, out the window just like he was supposed to go. But there was one little detail that was not part of the plan. Levi regained his grip on Jean as he fell.

He took Jean down with him.

 

Saturday - I

Eren took in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. All he had wanted was a nice, peaceful senior year. It had been peaceful for a good amount of time. He had even begun to think that maybe, just maybe, the school his parents transferred him to from his old one was even better than the fancy art school he had set his heart on. The people there were so nice and accepting of him even though he was the weird kid who barged into a class where everyone already knew each other. Mikasa hadn’t had that problem. She  _ never _ had to worry about people being rude to her. Eren was pretty sure it was because of the terrifying look in her eyes when she was irritated. Nobody wanted to deal with that.

It probably helped that he knew Armin already, too. They had been friends for as long as Eren could remember. They had only gone to different high schools because Eren’s parents wanted to put him and Mikasa in some super-great school with a high rate of graduates who went on to get college degrees. Come to find out, Eren did horribly under that kind of pressure and he managed to convince them to transfer him to another school for his last year. Mikasa, of course, wouldn’t let him go alone.

Armin helped them settle in. He introduced Eren to the friends he had made there in that school, along with a few acquaintances. Mikasa and that girl Annie started to have a bit of a  _ thing  _ going on from day one, though it was awfully hard to decide if that thing was a thing of love or a thing of hate. Annie knew Reiner and Bert, two big guys who looked like they could take down an entire army by themselves. Two people that were generally trustworthy despite an apparent history of some unsavory deeds. And those two knew Ymir and Christa, a couple of girls who had already decided that they were going to get married as soon as they were old enough.

There was Marco, a sweet guy who had rightfully been dubbed “Freckled Jesus” by some of their classmates. Sasha and Connie were next, the president and vice president of the school’s occult club. Hannah and Franz, the resident obnoxious couple that couldn’t seem to understand how much everyone hated seeing them making out all the time. Mina and Thomas, a couple of generally quiet and polite kids who were often forgotten among the mess of other students.

But there was one that Armin and his acquaintances didn’t introduce Eren to. The boy who sat next to him in chemistry. He found out easily enough that Undercut Boy was actually named Jean. He was standoffish and could be rude and confrontational from time to time, but he was one of the more reliable people in school. He helped people with their notes. He lent out supplies, his personal copies of books, and his  _ time _ easier than Eren had ever seen anyone do. It was admirable. The boy didn’t seem as obnoxious as some people had led him to believe. Talking to him, though, was a hurdle he wasn’t sure he wanted to approach.

So he didn’t. He didn’t talk to Jean until the fateful day that he forgot a pencil and had to borrow one. It was all downhill from there. Not that it was Jean’s fault, though. Someone took Eren’s sister away and Jean, the person he least expected support from, was right there for him. It was like the gods were playing some kind of cruel joke on him. He spent all that time being too intimidated to talk to the cute boy in chem, and the gods had gotten tired of it. So they set things into motion that led to a series of horrible events that didn’t seem to have any real reasoning behind them besides the fact that bad things happened to good people. Yeah, he blamed the gods as people around him began to die.

And he thanked them as Jean stepped up to be at his side.

And he cursed them as it sunk in that all of that time he had spent being afraid of talking to Jean had been such a waste because there was nothing to fear from him. Jean had his moments just like everyone else, but he was  _ good.  _ He was the kind of person Eren needed. Jean was strong. He held Eren up when he thought his knees were going to buckle underneath him. Jean was calm. He let Eren through the maze of trying to understand and work through the sudden losses of their classmates, their  _ friends.  _

It was only a matter of time until he fell in love. 

The gods had a fucked up sense of humor. He was gonna do it. He was gonna take Jean to the park and confess. He had no idea if Jean felt the same, how he would react to what Eren had to say. The odds were 50/50 for a positive response, though. It could’ve been worse. He had to take the chance.

Before he could, he found the one teacher in that school that unnerved Jean holding a knife. Standing above Jean, staring down at his bleeding face, holding a stained knife. And Jean had told Eren to run. So he did. He ran with all he had to try to find someone--anyone--that could help. Someone had to help.

His best wasn’t enough. He was too late. Next thing Eren knew, both Jean and Levi were being taken to the hospital after falling out of one of those windows that was too big and opened too far. Seriously, whoever designed those windows was a fucking idiot. Whoever decided to leave them unlatched during the day was honestly the stupidest person in that damn school, and that was saying something considering some of the other students. 

Levi broke Jean’s fall. Even if the gods had ruined Eren’s plans, at least they kept Jean safe. He got off with a broken leg and a concussion; Levi was the one who got royally fucked in the fall. Not surprisingly, Eren was completely okay with that. Levi was a broken man. Quite literally, actually. Come to find out, the combined forces of gravity pulling you to the ground and having a one hundred-and-something pound teenager land on you made for a lot of broken bones. A lot of pain. In Eren’s humble opinion, it wasn’t enough. There was no amount of pain that could be inflicted upon Levi to make up for the fear and harm he had caused Jean. 

The last favor the gods did for Eren was that they finally let the truth spill out. Levi had attacked Jean and, no matter how many times he insisted that Jean had been provoking him, there was no proof of it. What there was proof of, however, was that Levi was connected with a lot of shit that had happened a long time ago. Jean had made the connections. Levi unwittingly proved his own guilt as he laid in the hospital and awaited charges for assaulting a student with a deadly weapon. By the time everything was said and done, he was going to get a lot more than an assault with a deadly weapon charge. So,  _ so  _ much more.

Eren took Jean home that morning. They had kept him overnight for observation because, according to the people on staff, being attacked by someone who was supposed to be a trusted teacher could result in strange bodily reactions and a lot of panic that they were equipped to deal with. Eren left Jean in the hospital overnight because he knew it was the best thing for his recovery, despite the fact that he wanted to stay by Jean’s side until the end of time.

He was right back there in the morning, though. He was there to take Jean back to his house, he was there to spend all day with him in case he needed something. Eren was Jean’s support for once. And he didn’t have any intention of leaving Jean there alone.

 

Saturday - II

Despite the fact that he generally wasn’t allowed to relax  _ too _ much in case of some kind of complication with his concussion and his broken leg, Jean was happier than he had been in awhile. Eren vowed to stay with him for as long as he needed to. Until Jean healed or his mother came home to take care of him, whichever came first. There was no way in hell that he was going to leave Jean there alone to try to fend for himself with a broken leg and a very crude knowledge of how to use crutches.

They sat out on Jean’s back porch that evening as the temperature steadily fell along with the sun. Jean’s leg was propped up on a stool and there was a pillow behind his head so he didn’t get uncomfortable leaning back against those hard patio chairs. 

Eren yawned loudly enough to make Jean look over. “Tired?”

Eren just shrugged. “Eh. I’m fine.”

“Really? ‘Cause you look like someone just put the world’s hardest math problem in front of you and asked you to solve it in a minute flat.”

“Just thinking. It’s fine.”

Jean stared. “Bullshit,”

He was a bit startled when Eren suddenly stood up. “Look, Jean, I can’t beat around the fucking bush here. I want to. Any courage I had yesterday flew out the fuckin’ window. No joke intended, by the way.” Jean gave him a look. “Just, listen, okay? Jean, I was terrified. I heard a crash and I went to see what was going on and I saw you on the ground and,” he took a deep breath, “I thought I might lose you.”

Wait. What?

Oh, thank the stars. Thank the heavens. Thank every god that had ever been worshipped. Eren really was worried about him. Eren really did care.

“So,” Eren continued. “I’ve had to think about a lot of things and sort some shit out. I wanted to take you somewhere after school yesterday because I had something I needed to talk to you about and then everything just went to hell and I don’t think I can keep it to myself anymore. But you know what? I’m fuckin’ terrified. Can you believe that? I’m more scared right now than I was yesterday because I had faith that you’d be okay. I don’t have any faith that you’re going to be totally okay with what happens next.”

Jean sat up a little straighter. “Eren, what’s going on? What are you talking about?” The way he was talking took away the happiness Jean had been given a few moments earlier. He wasn’t convinced that Eren really had been worried, really did care. Not anymore. He prepared himself for Eren to tell him that bad things kept happening while they were around each other and they couldn’t spend time together anymore. “A-Are you about to tell me that we have to stop being with each other?”

Eren looked more offended than Jean had ever seen. And that was saying something, considering that Eren was literally a living ball of irritation. “Are you fucking kidding me?  _ That’s _ the vibe you’re getting from my speech? Seriously?”

“How the fuck else am I supposed to interpret it? Nobody talks like that unless they’re about to leave.”

Jean thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest when Eren immediately went in for a kiss. It was sudden and unexpected and it was the feeling Jean had been wanting to have again ever since the first one. 

When Eren pulled away he whispered, “Try to not be an idiot for once in your life. I’m not going anywhere, Jean. I wanted to tell you that I love you.”

His face must have gone entirely blank considering the way Eren took a few steps backwards and started stammering something about how it was fine if Jean didn’t feel the same way and they could be friends and he understood if Jean had just kissed Eren back the first time because it was rude to not kiss back and he was happy to just be around him and--

“Shut the fuck up for two seconds, would you?” Jean almost yelled. And Eren shut up. Jean reached for his crutches and hauled himself out of his chair. “You’re the idiot if you think that I don’t love you, too.”

Any shred of doubt that Eren had been holding onto fell from his hands. “Seriously?”

“I don’t make empty promises, Eren, and I sure as hell don’t make empty confessions.” He smiled and, for once, wasn’t afraid to say what he had been thinking all along. “I adore you, Eren. I love you.”

Eren closed the gap between them and pulled Jean in for another kiss. Another perfect kiss from a perfect boy that he had done so much to protect. His love-- _ their _ love--was allowed to bloom under a sky painted by golden sunset.

And everything was completely and utterly  _ perfect. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: As I'm publishing this it's 12:26 AM on May 5th and is thus my birthday!! What a good day to wrap up this fic. It's been a wild ride, but it's not entirely over. I do still have those lil side stories and stuff planned, so there's always that to look forward to. But for now, the bulk of Yandere Simulator au is done. God bless. Thank you to everyone who read it and left me kudos and such nice comments. It really means a lot to me <33 I hope you've all enjoyed this fic and will continue to look forward to other short works in this universe!!


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